Where am I Now?

I’m not lost. I don’t consider myself lost. I just wandered in life but with no destination, no end line.

Where am I now? My dreams and passion back when I was 9 are on the other side of the road. And I am standing here… nowhere.

I’m not lost though, for I see a light. Thank heavens, there’s still a light. I see red roses, yellow daisies, green luscious grasses, and giant trees.

But a dark thin line separates me from them.

I am nowhere, but I’m not lost. Where I am now is filled with thorns and dark clouds swallowing me whole.

I wanna go to the other side. But a force stops me.

My past. My dark hurtful past. The one I loved who had taken advantage of me. My expectations, my naivety, my innocent mistakes, and my tears keep me from reaching the light.

No matter how I try to stretch my hand to reach for one red rose from the other side, a thorn pricks me. Waking me up in a reality of where I am now.

I am in my dark thoughts, playing in a dangerous world.

Not knowing the way out, I have settled into where I am now. I played with thorns, embraced the dark clouds, and learned to love the dirty, muddy earth.

I settled for mediocre… I thought I was one and on the other side was a place for special people, a place I don’t belong.

Where am I now exactly? Why am I in this dark, hideous place?