don’t you know
she’s the angel and they’re just gargoyles
TW: suicide/ self harm
you’re so perfect
don’t you know
everyone loves you
with your hourglass figure
and your siren eyes
carefully applied mascara
blonde hair beautifully blown out
always smelling like roses
you called that girl
that girl with the pink glasses and creased jeans
attention seeking
for having a mental breakdown in English class
said that was fatherless behaviour
did you know
her father died two days ago in a construction accident?
he’d been working three jobs
for three years
just to save up
for the Paris trip
he promised her
for her sixteenth birthday
they planned with dreamy eyes
to go to a five star hotel
to check out the Eiffel Tower
take a million photos
eat steak for the first time
do you know
he was her only
her everything?
you won’t know, would you?
your parents with their blonde hair blue eyes
high cheekbones broad shoulders
prada bags Rolex watches
you won’t know the dad who ran home from work
when she got her first period
the dad who never failed to show up
every time she went on stage
even if she didn’t even have a speaking part
wearing his best tie
she crocheted for him
slightly wonky
“but not too shabby”
as he used to say
the dad who skipped dinner for five days
to bring her to Disney
bought her as much cotton candy as she wanted
carried her on his shoulders
even when he had a bad back
just so she could watch the fireworks
the dad whose wife passed away at childbirth
the dad who cried every night
when she was sleeping
but wiped his tears off his face
the moment he heard her cry
forced a smile
rocked her back to sleep
every single time
the dad who got evicted when he was twenty and she was three
who worked as hard as he could
the miracle dad who
paid off the hospital bills
rented a flat
in six months
it was a little mouldy
kinda rickety
“but not too shabby”
that dad was her all
her everything
used to be them and the world
and now she’s alone
just her
do you know it?
do you know how brutally you stabbed her
ripped away her soul
her organs
when you said in that sharp loud voice
this is fatherless behaviour
when you pointed at her with those manicured nails
she’s a pick me
but you’re so perfect
even the teachers shrugged
aren’t you just too perfect
to shut your mouth
zip up those beautifully plump lips
close those piercing eyes?
is it that hard?
don’t you know
the day the police showed up to their house
the pit of dread in her stomach slowly consuming her
as they said in their professional voices
imsorry
theequipmentmalfunctioned
hefelloffabuilding
itwasanaccidentnooneistoblame
you should’ve seen how her knees buckled in
how the stars fell on her like asteroids
how her tears ran down her face
how she lay on the floor
cursing the sky
swearing at the universe
the police
the social workers
took one look at the unwashed dishes
the sticky table
the takeaway boxes
and whispered
she was abused anyways
she’d be better off in foster care
she yelled and screeched and broke her vocal cords
when they pulled her off to the foster care centre
she lost her voice
but it didn’t matter anyway
her dad was the only person
to tell her how beautiful her voice was
do you know
she blames herself
for throwing that tantrum when she was five
because he couldn’t afford to let her go to the ski trip in Paris
like everyone else?
she blames herself
for sniffing back in her tears
when he said
“I’ll take you there on your sixteenth birthday pinkie promise”
if it weren’t for me
he wouldn’t have been working at that shady company
she tells herself that she killed him
but you don’t care
do you?
you’re just like your dad
who bribed that politician
who planned to transform that abandoned building near your house into apartments for single families
made him change his mind
just by waving a million-dollar check
it’s going to be a luxury complex instead
gonna attract more rich people
help with the economy
he read off that script your dad wrote for him
in the conference
don’t you know
she was never the murderer?
it was your dad
his company
who forced him to paint the roof of that luxury complex
without a safety belt
there were ten witnesses
but he just bribed them off
like he always does
bribed the media to cover it up
like he always does
but even if you knew
you wouldn’t feel a single strand of mercy
you’d shrug your shoulders
he deserved it anyway
poor people jobs come with risks
you cyberbully that girl
who studies at the library every break
posting pictures of her on instagram
calling her a loner
an unpopular lowlife
even the teachers know
but they’re too scared
they’ll lose their jobs if you ever get in trouble
do you know
her parents are junkies
who beat her up when she gets a B+
then snort lines right in front of her?
she’s trying to land a scholarship to Harvard
so she could pay for their rehab
you wouldn’t know, would you?
six generations of your family went to Harvard
your granddad donates ten million dollars to them every year
you’re going there- it’s guaranteed, my princess.
that girl who sat alone at lunch
every day
until that very day
when you pointed at her
with your grubby fingers
conducting the choir
of stupid chicks and sidekicks
to collapse into ripples of laughter
guess what?
she used to cut every night
in her bedroom
her parents never cared
because she had an autistic sister
who was deemed way more important
so important
that she was given her younger sister’s hand me downs
since she was five
if you’d ever want to know
that was why her clothes were always tight
she wasn’t fat
she was literally underweight
she hung herself that night
her parents didn’t even give her a funeral
when they saw her body
they silently cheered:
one less mouth to feed
you sat down on her table the next day
smiled and said you cleared some trash
did you know?
you don’t know anything
because you’re so perfect
and cool and funny and nice
ignorance is bliss
the blooming flowers in the lily garden
I wonder why everyone calls you nice
you’re far from nice
you’re a murderer
an assassin
a killer
I wonder why you get away with everything
why you just have to pout your lips and flash your veneers to get what you want
you got voted girl of the year when all you did was spread rumours
everyone loves you even when you call them ugly and gross
just because you’re pretty
and rich
and perfect
you don’t have a single right
to judge those people
to spit in their faces
to put death threats in their lockers
“just for a laugh”
you don’t have a single right
to ruin their esteem
to kill a girl
and not get in trouble
I hate you
I hate who you are
I hate how you roll your eyes when you see someone crying like you’ve never experienced pain
I wonder why there couldn’t be a better person behind those eyes
I ask the universe, ask the stars, ask the moon
but they never listen to my cries
I hope one day they do
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