Member-only story
Personal Essay
Proof
Personal transformation
Once I was a child
I wanted to know that I was what I hoped I was. I would not have believed it unless I had proof. I wanted the math to say, “I am worthy of existing.”
I have done this before. When I was a late teen and had finished high school but was unsure of my worth, I took on cycling to prove my value. The plan was simple: if I could ride one hundred kilometers without stopping, that made me worthy.
Worthy of what?
I am not too sure.
Now, at almost fifty years of age, it seemed as if I was making a U-turn. I continued to feel unworthy, so I decided to apply for an elusive master’s degree program. The problem was that I had to retake many classes, as the program required applicants to have taken them within the seven years prior to applying. That time now seemed to be a previous life.
The question was why.
Why did I want to put myself through that?
With my children turning into their late teens, money seemed a vague answer. But not the allure of having a piece of paper claiming I was better than someone without it. Who would care? No one but me.
