seed 4:College Admissions and Self-Worth

Half a year ago, I was still worrying about my college admissions results. I placed a big part of my self-worth on my grades and therefore college because I felt like if I didn’t get in my dream schools, then my efforts would be for nothing. The combination of COVID-19 and the waiting period for college results led to me checking an online forum about applying to college daily and listening to Rod Wave late at night to make myself feel less alone.

“Popular Loner,” by Rod Wave, is the last seed planted in my garden of songs. I felt so isolated at home, doing online school and worrying about my college acceptances, that “Popular Loner[’s]” message of loneliness and not fitting in resonated with me. Rod Wave encourages people who feel like he does to not give up and keep “[holding] on”: “Weight of the world on your shoulders and you’re feeling all alone/You got it, my n***a, just hold on.” This had a dual meaning to me in the context of college admissions and COVID because it made me feel more hopeful about my situation in the face of so much uncertainty, and it made me rethink the importance of getting into my dream schools.

I felt entitled to acceptance to top schools because I had tried so hard throughout high school, but that’s not how it works. No one is entitled to anything; doing well and having all these extracurriculars in school only gives me a better chance of getting in my dream schools. I wasn’t owed anything by USC; I made it here because I earned it. In addition, COVID’s impact on our daily lives is huge, but just know when “you’re feeling all alone, you got it, just hold on.” Reaching out to friends and family for support is especially important when COVID has so dramatically changed some of our lives.