The Room Where It Happens
Amplification As A Strategy To Attack Gendered Animosity
This One’s To The Ladies (But, Men . . . Pay Attention):
Have you ever offered up an idea or a concern in a meeting or other group session, only to find that you were unacknowledged, ignored, or perhaps even met with hostility?
Have you ever noticed that later, in that same space, a man makes virtually the same assertion, maybe with a little authority, and he is acknowledged?
Maybe you try to assert yourself but are continuously interrupted or spoken over, in a louder tone, so you can’t possibly be heard?
Bropropriation and Manterruption at it’s finest(Kanye, circa 2009).
Talk Less, Smile More.
As women, we assess the situation, and often decide that saying less is more. And we are not wrong. Women who lead and speak often among their peers are typically punished — put back into their place — by low ratings when they are measured in competence and effectiveness. Women who speak their mind and offer their opinions are chastised and harshly scrutinized. Unfortunately, this deprives businesses, organizations, schools — society — of great ideas, simply because they are unwilling to listen. Women who challenge poor, flawed, or ineffective systems are perceived as less loyal and their suggestions are rarely acted upon, even when women have specialized expertise. The irony here is that research shows that, in leadership, even though men are more confident, women are more competent. Bazinga.
This dynamic certainly does offer an explanation for the relationship between America and Hillary Clinton.
I am certainly not implying that this kind of thing happens every time, but it happens. We are not paranoid. We are not playing the woman card. It’s 2016. It’s 2016 and intelligent, creative, capable women are still fighting to elbow their way into the conversation.
This week articles like these have been circulating around social media:
Gender bias is pervasive. Even the POTUS with the most diverse administration in history, a self-identified feminist, suffers from an unconscious gender bias — one that he was quick to correct in his second term. In a President’s first term, their administration and key staff is likely to come from the major players in the campaign machine. In Obama’s case, his campaign players were heavily male and this was reflected in his White House.
At a dinner in 2009, several female senior aides called him out, complaining that their male counterparts “enjoy greater access and often muscle them out of key policy decisions.” Obama clearly took this discussion to heart, altering the makeup of his administration and staff considerably in his second term. Today there is gender parity, with about 50% of Obama’s team headed by women.
The most interesting point of this article is the strategy of “amplification” that the women consciously banned together to use to ensure that their voices were heard in important policy meetings.
“When a woman made a key point, other women would repeat it, giving credit to its author. This forced the men in the room to recognize the contribution — and denied them the chance to claim the idea as their own.”
Amplification became a practice that all female staffers were committed to use every day. The strategy got Obama’s attention and affected behavioral change on his part. Obama began to look to women and junior staffers more often to chime in during White House meetings.
Genius. Brilliant. Exceptional Model For Women Everywhere, In Every Space.
So . . . What Can We Do?
Get Woke
The first step to correcting the problem is acknowledging it. No, you are not basically equal. You have to realize and recognize that women are (still) being treated unequally and unfairly — sometimes subtly.
There Is No Free Lunch
Call out bias when you see it but be smart — in less enlightened organizational structures backlash and sexual harassment are real.
Acknowledge And Correct Your Own Unconscious Bias
We all come with a bit of bias baggage because we were socialized as such. the good news is what is learned can be unlearned. We have our own beliefs about what is right and proper behavior for men and women. These beliefs might need an adjustment for both men and women.
Adopt a No-Kanye Rule
Adopt or advocate for a rule in your meetings of no interruptions of any kind while someone is speaking or pitching an idea. Period. Wait your turn. Kindergarten politics. It’s that simple.
Karmic Bystander Intervention
If someone begins to interrupt, interrupt them. Stop them in their tracks and let them know you want to know what the speaker has to say. This is especially important if you are leading or facilitating the meeting. Give a clear message to the people you lead that you will not tolerate this behavior.
Amplify
Heighten. Give credit where it is due and support your female colleagues. Consciously, repeatedly, and boisterously if necessary.
Remember Amplification.
White House female staffers adopted this meeting strategy:
When a woman made a key point, other women would repeat it, giving credit to its author. This forced the men in the room to recognize the contribution — and denied them the chance to claim the idea as their own.
Commit to doing this until it has an impact — until someone takes notice. Commit to amplification until women become a more active, engaged, and valuable part of your meetings and their ideas are received as naturally as those of their male colleagues.
The challenge with this strategy is there has to be more than one woman in the room AND the women in the room must be on the “same team”. It turns out that women interrupt other women at work as much as their male counterparts. Women don’t interrupt men nearly as much, if at all. Further, women tend to compete with one another, a la Mean Girls, as well and, for a myriad of reasons (that will have to wait for another post), they sometimes team up with their male counterparts to take the other ladies down. This can make a brainstorming meeting feel more like a high school cafeteria.
Take a note from Amy and Tina. Get over yourself and get on the same team.
And, even if you succeed in changing a gendered culture, it’s always a great idea to give credit where credit is due. Just commit to doing this, for everyone, male or female. Period.
Power Poses Anyone?
Lean in, sit up straight, and . . .
“Body language affects how others see us, but it may also change how we see ourselves. Social psychologist Amy Cuddy shows how “power posing” — standing in a posture of confidence, even when we don’t feel confident — can affect testosterone and cortisol levels in the brain, and might even have an impact on our chances for success.”
#SorryNotSorry
FOR THE LOVE OF GOD . . . STOP APOLOGIZING.
“I’m sorry, but . . .” “I’m Sorry, I disagree…” “Sorry, may I ask a question…” “Sorry for the delay…” “Sorry I didn’t reply sooner…” “Sorry, I’ll get right on that…” “Sorry, but can we back up for a second . . .”
“Sorry is simply another way of downplaying our power, of softening what we do, to seem nice.” Stop it. Right now. STOP.
Don’t Undermine Your Own Intelligence And Authority
“I could be wrong but . . .” “I’m definitely not an expert on this…” “I’m not sure this is right …” “I can’t be certain, but . . .” “You’d know better than I …”
Just stop. Speak with confidence and authority. You are there for a reason.
Add Your Strong Voice To The Conversation
When you can add to the conversation, speak. Add with a strong voice. Do not silence yourself because someone else at the table is bullying you into submission. Silence is nothing more than surrender. You won’t feel good about it and your organization will lose the value of your perspective.
I’d like to say that this has happened to me for the last time, but as sure as I am the sun will rise tomorrow, I am sure I will face this situation many more times in my life and work. It’s my hope, after working it all out in this post, instead of festering, silently plotting revenge and requesting karmic intervention, I will plainly call it out for what it is and speak up.
And I hope my girls are there to #amplify.
