My Last Facebook Post

Dear whoever is reading this,

It’s taken us a while to get here but I’m finally ready to talk about the Black Lives Matter movement to you and why it is so important to me.

If you’ve read this far, it’s because we are family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances or maybe you know me through someone or I’ve posted something on social media that has caught your attention. You probably assume I’m quite the like-able character, a fact that I can’t deny. A lot of people seem to like me. Safe to say that a few of you even love me because you tell me or show me. — — This makes me very happy!

If you like or love me, it’s because you KNOW me. You know that I am a human that loves other humans. I’m really sensitive and empathetic which I used to think meant I was weak but now realize is one of my biggest strengths and qualities. You know that I love my husband, Keith, Teddy, my family and friends very deeply. I also love life. I love spending time with my loved ones, animals, food, music, flowers, plants, nature, babies, little kids, playing games or sports, going to concerts, etc — I guess you could say typical stuff humans like. I also love cultures. I believe that my Mexican culture instilled in me the passion to to be with and bring people together. I am proud to be Mexican! I appreciate things from a lot of different cultures as well which is why I love to travel. I have friends all over the world that I’ve kept in touch with for 15+ years.

I’m actually writing this in English because, even though Spanish is my first language, I grew up ‘white in Mexico’ which means I was part of a very privileged socio-economic sector in Mexico City as did, sadly now to realize, 99% of my friends, family and circle of influence. We all know English. We are a minority there. — — This makes me very lucky!

You know that I’m also an American citizen and have been in California for nearly a decade (it’ll be 10 years this August!). I’ve been able to maintain “best friends” status with quite a few people in Mexico, San Diego, Houston, LA, Spain. I’ve always said it but I really mean it: long distance relationships are hard! They take a lot of energy. You know that I’ve been able to help family and friends through really tough times because I’m a hard worker. I work REALLY hard (a lot of this work is emotional work)! — — This makes me proud!

You know that after spending 5 years in San Diego, having a good time but with no real career growth opportunities for me, Keith and I decided to try our luck in Tech and make an impact, so we moved to San Francisco. It was hard at first because I had to start my life and career all over at this point (with 7+ years of professional experience) but I knew I had what it took so I persevered and after 1 year and 6 months of arriving in the city, I landed my dream job as a Recruiter at Pinterest. It’s been awesome living in and meeting people in the Bay Area. I’m having daily conversations with people all over the country and world — most as part of my job. People that are super nice, smart and passionate about solving problems and building cool products with technology. I’m an Industrial Engineer — this is something I’m passionate about, too! I’ve also made a lot of friends — some which I now consider very close, life long friends after living the trauma of the last few weeks together (sending you all a big hug). Very few family members or friends have checked in on me after knowing I was not OK. — — This makes me very sad.

You know that I co-founded and lead Pinterest’s first ever Latinx and Hispanic community, a job I’ve taken really seriously for the last 3 years. I’m trying my best now, thanks to COVID-19, to do my job and virtually lead a very tired and disengaged audience. I hear you Todos Pincluidos (the name of our community which I came up with and means Everyone Pincluded), I’m tired, too.

I’m actually depleted mentally, emotionally and physically. My body is showing me this in all sorts of complicated ways. You should know that even though I “look White” (and love a lot of things that my American friends and family like), my experience in the U.S. has been that of a woman of color (or minority) and let me tell you all, the struggle is VERY real. It’s not the first time I’ve been so close to burning out and I’m seeing a lot of my non-white friends burn out, too. You know that I really try to control this feeling but most of the time I can’t because I’ve always been a worrier. I worry about things out of my control all the time, for example, COVID-19 ravaging my home country like it’s doing to Brazil (if you have any Brazilian friends, I recommend you checking in on them).

You should know that violence of all sorts in Mexico is a very serious issue and it’s mainly aimed at women, but very inclusive to underrepresented groups like children, people living in poverty, members of the LGBTQ community and members of races different to one’s own. How you look and the color of your skin make you a target here, too. Though I grew up very privileged there, being a woman in Mexico is very scary. I would never wear shorts to jog outside or in general. I didn’t like wearing skirts to work — I still don’t. I would avoid driving alone or at night. I was harassed at nightclubs and bars more times than I like to remember. I was sexually harassed at work once. Let’s say it was not an ideal place for me to thrive.

I am happy to report that things in the U.S. are better… But they’re definitely not great. My life is pretty awesome but there is a lot of violence here, too. My generation (class of ‘02!) has been hit pretty hard with traumatic events. Some of you know that I lived in Los Angeles from ages 1 to 10. I had a pretty happy childhood but LA in the early 90’s was pretty tense. People were really irritated with each other and they were very unkind. One of the main reasons for our family to move back to Mexico was the destruction of my Dad’s gas station during the Rodney King riots. I remember that time pretty vividly so, safe to say, it’s pretty triggering to see or hear people rioting. I do love to peacefully protest though. I think I’ve always had an activist spirit but just started feeling empowered enough to act like one in San Francisco. At the George Floyd protest I attended on Wednesday, I heard one of the speakers thanking San Francisco for teaching her how to fight. I really identified with that statement. I’ve been to a few protests here and the Pride parade (Happy Pride Month btw!). It’s always really powerful to see so many people supporting causes that I care about. I have a lot of love and respect for our troops as well and always think of and give thanks to all or our Veterans and Armed Forces when I’m out there because they’re fighting for my freedom to do so. I know that freedom isn’t free and I feel really proud to be American, too! Special shout out and thanks always to Keith, Claire, Kelly, Chris and Grandpa Bieber. I also think of my maternal Grandparents and role models, Jaime and May, who helped Holocaust refugees after WWII. I have postcards my Grandpa sent to my Grandma during this time hanging over my fireplace. — — This is one of my most prized possessions.

Back to what my generation has experienced in the U.S., that, if you know me, can imagine I’ve experienced very deeply. When I was a freshman in high school, the Columbine Shooting happened and I watched kids my age running out of the school and escaping their death through windows — 13 people were murdered that day. When I was a senior, 9/11 happened and we all know how traumatic that was for Americans. I was in Mexico but really devastated — my whole family was. We really loved living here. We’re all dual citizens and feel connected to this country and culture. I, through my words, defended the U.S. a lot over there when people made nasty comments. I saw a lot of nasty comments and hate towards our enemies (which I agree in sentiment with) and towards the Muslim community — Almost 20 years after 9/11 this hate hasn’t stopped. I have Muslim friends now and they’ve told me, first hand, it hasn’t. Not long after I moved to San Diego, the Sandy Hook shooting happened and 20 children and 6 adults lost their lives. I remember it was around Christmas time and I was a wreck. I’m not a big Christmas time fan. Last year, a man drove 11 hours through Texas to kill “as many Mexicans as he could” at an El Paso Walmart. He murdered 22 people and injured 26. So many mass shootings in this country, yet such a passionate defense of guns over human life. I. Don’t. Get. It. For the last couple of years, I’ve been reading and listening to podcasts on what’s happening at our border with Mexico. In a story about families being separated, I heard a recording of really little children crying and asking for their Moms. They were so scared. This is also still happening — I think of them and the Sandy Hook children often. I pray they are reunited with their families one day. — — This makes me cry every time I think about it.

What I’ve seen the most of in my adult, educated life here are shootings and violence against Black people — yes, in large part because of slavery. I watch a lot of movies, shows and documentaries, and, having made some Black friends over the last 5 years, I got more curious about their culture and what their experience is and has been here. So, a lot of the movies, shows, documentaries, books and videos that people just ‘don’t feel like watching’, I have watched. Some are really morbid because you’re literally seeing people die. It’s HORRIBLE. But my point is that you, by not watching or listening to this material and telling me that you read or heard from only one of the sides that “there are 2 sides to the story” is, by definition, one-sided. The only way we can have a true dialogue about your side is by me inviting you to watch… or listen with me. I really don’t have a choice to not watch because I am a minority as well here so this affects me pretty directly but, you do. — — This is your privilege.

If you know me, you will know that when I am seeing Black and Brown people being hurt or murdered without regard for their lives, their futures, their family’s futures (because let’s face it, that family will NEVER get over it) and their communities happen over and over again (because it’s not stopping, in fact, it’s getting a lot worse), I feel pretty traumatized, too. Trauma leads to stress and during one of the many sleepless nights this week, I read and shared a post from one of the fertility specialists that I follow online that said “In med school, I took an elective called “Stress”, foolishly thinking I was going to learn about meditation and yoga. Instead, the professor spent 6 weeks proving that being poor or a minority literally destroys your health on a molecular level, and I think about that every day”. And I do get comments from lots of people on how stressed I seem, what I’m doing to manage my stress, how they relax, etc. These comments or questions aren’t helpful. Do you know who has been there to comfort and show up for me to process a lot the stress from bad events that come my way? Keith and Teddy, of course, my Black and Brown friends (not many of us in Tech, sadly), some really great White and Asian friends, allies and two family members. For me, true allyship is someone being aware of how they ‘can’t imagine’ what I’ve been or am going through, and making an effort to understand and empathize. I don’t get a lot of empathy these days. I do want to also share that the most comforting and helpful people to me this week were my Black friends. I was in awe of seeing them carry so much pain and trauma AND show up for work AND be good members of society AND speak their truth with power and conviction AND just show me a lot of love. They’re an amazing community that’s helped me do some REALLY intense but important emotional work of realizing how much pain and stress I’ve been carrying by also being oppressed for so long. Thank you, Ebitie, Brea, Vince, Natalie, Penny, Marq, AJ, Eva, Joshua, Tobi, Kaanon, Dino, LeJon, Rassan, Chidinma, Sydney, Ayana, Chiamaka, Derrick, Baron, Llanée, Chenoa, Nia, Alane, Javaree, Ify, Aerica and every powerful, kind Black voice that has spoken to me the last few years. Now, I can finally start to heal with their beautiful guidance. They know how to feel and process this pain because, due to the color of their skin, they don’t have a choice — it is their reality. All of these folks empower me to think more clearly, work better, lead better and “fight the good fight” because they’re in it with me. I’m certain that being an ally has made me a better person, in general, and am also certain that for everyone reading this far, I go to great lengths to help, share, listen, advocate and show up for you — and my actions also match this statement. I want to make the world a better place and I lead by example. — — This makes me the most proud!

Tragically, our efforts in changing the world through this “good fight” (starting fundraisers, raising awareness, donating money, marching, making calls, voting, etc) haven’t been enough. People don’t want to listen. Or they don’t care. So, of course, when I heard my friends suffering and pleading for help the last weeks (and really every time a shooting or tragedy happens) — I finally heard them. I chose to share the burden with them and acknowledge that their lives matter deeply to me. Because Black Lives Matter.

Now, something that feels off to me though is that it’s mostly oppressed minorities (some women, Native Americans, members of the LGBTQ community, immigrants, people of color, disabled people) and non-minority allies that have been sharing this burden for all of society for a very long time. Aside from some guilt and, mostly empty promises, white Americans have gotten to live pretty scot-free from this pain which gives most the ability to continue living their best lives and, sometimes unconsciously, offending and oppressing. In my heart, I know for most it’s not on purpose but I can tell you, with certainty, that it is happening. — — This is very hurtful.

This is probably why we can’t talk about “politics” or the ‘so-called leader of the free world’ without me getting triggered and stressed out. We have a president that is so offensive and painstakingly racist that every time he opens his mouth or tweets, he adds fuel to the fires that are burning in our streets. He’s REALLY hurting and dividing our country yet you don’t seem to mind him. In fact, despite A LOT of truly bad, tone-deaf and racist things he’s said and done (I will never forget him calling Mexicans ‘rapists and murderers’ before getting elected or him creating the chant ‘Build the wall!’), you will defend him and have said he’s been a “good president” or “way better than Obama!” — — This is very confusing.

For the record, I’m not pro-looting or burning property or people getting hurt or killed but, I get it. I’m REALLY mad, too. And I don’t think looting or rioting should cost anyone their life and I stand firmly on this. This video that my friend, Adriana Loson-Ceballos, sent me last Friday, May 29th, after I was feeling all sorts of ways with the helicopters and the riots and the fires in San Francisco and Oakland helped me ‘get it’. Please watch.

So, today dear family and friends, I exercise the privilege of using my voice and the power it carries, for so many who cannot (Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, George Floyd, Trayvon Martin, Anel Bueno, Ingrid Escamilla, Fátima Aldrighetti, Miguel Otavio Santana da Silva, etc etc etc) to plead for your help in fighting for justice and equality. That is literally what I, and most of the people I’ve been lucky to surround myself with, want. I’m pretty sure it’s what you want as well. I’ll be honest, it’s definitely going to be uncomfortable and take time and a lot of work but I AM IN. And by bringing awareness to your situation, my situation, Black people’s situation, Native American people’s situation, and any other oppressed groups, you’ll begin educating yourselves on how we all got here and how we can make some big changes (that I’m really optimistic are coming this time), and you can be IN, too. And if I’ve kept your attention this far it’s because you respect what I have to say and really like or even love me and, by being my ally, you will help me fight to make SO MANY PEOPLE’S lives better, including my own and, hopefully, one day, my children’s — who will be proudly half Mexican whatever their ethnicity.

And I’d like to reiterate that Black Lives Matter and every time you say something different or you don’t say anything at all, you are literally saying that they don’t. And if their life doesn’t matter to you, then, tragically, neither does mine. — — This is very easy.

Thanks for reading,

Linda