Letter to God — 14
Hi there. I’d like to talk about this loneliness that I’ve carried with me for as long as I can remember. I’d love to know Your Perspective on this. I’d love to know and feel the emotions so that I can get to the root of it and solve it.
I often take myself out in public as a means to deal with the pressing feeling of loneliness. It’s funny because while I’m out in public I don’t really engage with anyone. I share smiles with people I pass on the street and eventually return home with the loneliness slightly deadened, but ever present in my awareness.
Did this start as some childhood issue with my dad leaving and never being around? I’m actually now thinking I have two separate issues to address. One is this loneliness, the other is the feeling I have about not being wanted. I think that one is deep. I’m pretty certain that comes from a sense of rejection as a child by my dad. He wasn’t around. When he was, I felt bottled up anger toward him. When I wanted him to be there he’d always end up disappointing me. I’m certain that the anger I felt toward him was in part mine and largely the anger and rage that my mom felt toward him.
I realize that my Law of Attraction (part 2)continues to bring me men that will reject me to draw attention to this feeling of rejection inside me. This one’s hard because I’m not sure how to get all the way down to the root of this emotion. I’d love Your Tender Help in getting this out of me. Does this emotion mean, in some way, that I think You’re going to reject or abandon me? I surely hope not, but wish to have it gone from my soul all the same. I wish to take down these barriers that continue to keep us apart. I’m ready to lay my soul bare and strip from it everything that is not loving.
Please continue to help me with this God. Please continue to help me with Your Guidance. Please continue to show me ways that I can get through these issues. Getting into my emotions can be really hard. I’ve been quite diligent about building a big huge wall around them for so long. I sincerely long to expose and open my soul. With all of my heart I wish to lay bare everything that I need to work through. I’ve greatly enjoyed the few opportunities that I’ve had to help people and I want to do more of it.