My Problem with Fashion
“Look for the woman in the dress. If there is no woman, there is no dress.” – Coco Chanel
I am not a fashionista. I am drawn to beautiful things. I admire the seam with a perfectly aligned pattern, tiny details like suede piping on the collar of a silk dress, or the diagonal zipper on a moto-inspired sweater. But I only learned the definition of haute couture a few years ago from my fashion designer brother-in-law (who excels at those elegant details) as we tiptoed through Bergdorf’s. The $8,000 Oscar de la Renta ball gown by the elevator caught my breath and I admired it like it was on exhibit, only letting my fingers hover above its silk.
I feel the same way about Chanel handbags. Their luxury is amplified by their isolation in my local Bloomingdale’s: they have their own store-within-a-store. I hesitate before I step into the scrutiny beyond the ding of the doorway that announces my presence. The weight of the salesperson’s judgment is heavy as she sizes up my buying power to inform her helpfulness. The last time I was there, I reminded my five year old to “look with your eyes.” When she pulled down a $6,000 lambskin shoulder bag (it was gorgeous), I rushed her out. I told the salesperson I’d be back and when she asked if she should hold the bag for me, I said, “Oh no. I’m not sure if I can make it back today.” #Liar
I have a love-hate relationship with the fashion business. I love the beauty and hate the snobbery. During the semi-annual sale at the venerable beacon of Boston style, Louis Boston, your purchase goes home in a brown paper bag, as if to imply that you found that half price, but still exorbitantly expensive skirt on the back of a truck. And by the way, it’s “Louie’s” for those in the know, cute like the Newport mansions the wealthy refer to as “cottages.”
Fashion is supposed to make you feel good about yourself. And I’d argue that it’s not the price or the label that make for good fashion. It’s the attitude. In fact, I know that some famous fashion designers have worn clothing from H&M to their Fashion Week runway shows. Really! You have to be comfortable and confident in what you are wearing – it has to be you.
I prefer to think of fashion as a reflection of our best and truest selves. As Gianni Versace once said, “Don’t be into trends. Don’t make fashion own you, but you decide what you are, what you want to express by the way you dress and the way you live.”
If you prefer a more spiritual interpretation, take Lodro Rinzler’s in his book, A Buddhist Walks into a Bar. He wrote, “When I go on solitary retreats, I always bring nice clothes…When I see myself in the mirror, I am perked up by the cleanliness and vibrancy of the colors. You don’t have to dress to impress other people. Instead, try dressing up to uplift yourself.”
And uplift yourself you should. The first thing I did after having my two daughters was purchase two kinds of concealer to cover the dark circles under my eyes and some pretty dresses to hide my belly – looking good is half there to feeling good, I would recite.
You should absolutely wear what you want, but I do have some fashion advice, albeit not high fashion advice. I don’t know enough about the current fashion trends. I think knee socks and white heels are in, but I’m not going to try it out. There is this memory of my friend’s mother mowing her lawn in white pumps from Payless Shoes that I can’t shake. I mean, I wanted to be her, but I knew the shoes were for show.
What bothers me about fashion? When people use clothing to mask their true selves, or when they ignore it so much that they surrender to the unflattering comfort of mom jeans. There are times for melting into the couch in comfortable clothes, maternity leave in particular, but the art of dressing can be powerful.
Judith Thurman wrote in The New Yorker, “Clothes are more comforting, at times, than food. They arouse and sate all kinds of appetites.”
And so, my list of “infractions”:
- Stilettos in the Park. Real people wear sneakers every once in a while. This is coming from someone who basically dresses up for a living. I’ve codified systems for exactly how to dress up for my various workdays. The other day on our walk to school my daughter chastised me, “Mommy, you don’t have to look pretty every day.” Outside of work, everyone wants to know that you are, in fact, human. Don’t wear stilettos when you’re hanging out in the grass. Now, that does not mean you can’t be hip in casual wear. Sneakers are in. Fashionable people are wearing them with suits, dresses and just about anything else.
2. Armor. If your outfit precedes you into the room, something is off. Maybe you’re nervous for a big meeting or maybe you feel like you don’t belong, so you are trying to hide beneath a pile of colors, jewelry and layers. Don’t get me wrong, if layers and jewelry reveal your truest self, mound away! But everyone knows the difference between authenticity and armor within a second of your entrance. It takes a good amount of confidence to pull off a good amount of clothing. Your clothing should match your personality.
3. Yoga Pants. There I said it. Yoga pants are for, well, yoga. You get a pass if you stop by the grocery store on your way to or from yoga, but that’s it. Yoga pants are not for shopping, the office, coffee, lunch dates, or dinner dates for that matter. I know I know. They are so comfortable. So are the jean leggings at Uni Qlo, and they’re much more hip. (And has Lululemon fixed that see-through problem yet? Better safe than sorry!)
4. Sexy & Fidgety. I’m all for sexy, but you have to own it. If you’re going to wear six-inch stilettos, make sure you can walk in them. If you’re nervous about that plunging neckline, make good friends with fashion tape to keep everything in place. And while I’m talking about holding things in place, if you’re constantly worrying about your miniskirt exposing too much of your rear end, reach for your pencil skirt instead. The only way to pull off sexy is to set that outfit, walk out the door and don’t touch it again until you take it off.
5. Loud Labels. A prominent label can all too easily overpower your personality when you meet someone new. I’d rather meet the person than the label. I love the handbag trend toward discrete labels from notables like Tyler Alexandra and Valextra. Even Louis Vuitton, one of the most knocked off labels on the planet, is getting on board.
6. Sweatpants. Multiply the yoga pants rule by two, and triple it for sweatpants with elastic ankles. This one applies to women and men. The other day my husband told me about a pair of sweatpants that look like dress pants, and CNN has confirmed it. There are only two types of men who can pull this off: models and celebrities. My husband cannot, and you probably can’t either. I agree with Karl Lagerfeld: “Sweatpants are a sign of defeat. You lost control of your life so you bought some sweatpants.” And gentlemen: don’t even think about wearing them with your tube socks and Crocs. The only shoes that go with sweatpants are slippers. (That’s right. Sweatpants don’t leave the house.)
By the way, if you happen to catch me at Whole Foods in my yoga pants, I swear I’m just stopping in on my way back from the yoga class I do not take (but if you need a good YouTube yoga playlist, drop me a note).
