After the Storm, Comes the Sunshine

July 2015

I’ve been sharing all perfect stories. But it wasn’t always bliss. We had horrible days as well. Babe confessed she considered calling it off. Well, I’m grateful that she didn’t. Many relationships never recover from their down times. I’m grateful that ours did. And If you’re reading this and are at a point in your life where you are on the low. Come down from your high horses and make things right. Make sure the reason you let go is not that you are too weak to own up and take responsibility.

I began to take things for granted. I called less. And blamed MTN, Glo and Airtel for terrible service. I chatted less and blamed internet speed, though I was selling data at the time. I sent fewer notes. I gave excuses that I was busy. Notes were something I enjoyed writing. I always know what to write whenever I decide to. But I held that back. I wrote only when I felt I was in trouble and needed to appease the gods. I was cold on calls and facilitated the breathing competition on phone. I gave excuses that I didn’t really enjoy talking a lot.

I was serving in Mikang LGA, Plateau State. And honestly, the reception was terrible. I could barely hear her the few times she decides to break the silence. It was frustrating. I told her not to visit, I could not bear the emotional weight of watching and waiting for hours while she’s on the way. After about 6 months of not setting eyes on each other, I visited. This note was written after dealing with the mess I just described and trying to calm the hormones that almost set us on fire.

If you are wondering if I also thought about giving up, my answer is no. I was just as sure as it was when I asked. And that was the trouble, sometimes, we’re too sure and we begin to take the other person for granted. We overlook minor things, thinking they cannot mean a thing. No matter how convinced we are, we need to translate our conviction into emotional fuel for our beloved. No matter how irrelevant the issues are, we need to iron them out. Little foxes can spoil the vine.

It was a great weekend. It was awesome seeing you again after 6 months. Thanks for the meals, the attention every single moment still echoes in my heart.

I never thought I’d be so helpless and vulnerable. It’s my weakest moment ever. I had no defense whatsoever. I stopped thinking once I held on to you. I was afraid something would happen. Yet I had no strength to restrain. Thanks for keeping watch.

You’re my strength and my weakness; my armour and my bane. Thoughts of you keep me going. The warmth from you makes me want to stay. I didn’t want to get my hands off you. I wanted to feel every cell; every tissue. My heart cautioned as I reached delicate spots by beating faster. A part of me wanted to go on, a part of me cautioned. It was a battle in silence.

I hoped there were no boundaries; no limits; no rules. I wished I was my own authority and was free to do as I wished. But then again, I’m happy I’m not my own authority. Because then, I would have to figure out our future together. I’m unskilled and crude, unable to fully understand and harness God’s inheritance within you. If I were the ‘boss,’ then I will only be able to inspire and stir up a trickle of the oceans of God’s gift in you.

May God remain head in this relationship of ours. Only truly can we chase 10,000. May God remain Lord between us, so you and I can reach the optimum capacity of our creation and redemption. May God remain Master in this relationship, so our humanity doesn’t interfere with God’s intentions. May God remain the potentate, for only him can endue and endow with strength and grace to live life.