Radical Acceptance and Menopause
What’s it all about?
Reading this article from Vogue about meno-belly made me curious about the idea of Radical Acceptance.
And then a 12-day scene-from-Game-of-Thrones menstrual bleed made me realise that I needed to learn to practise it.
I was in pain. It was exhausting. That much was probably inevitable. But the frustration, the resentment, the low mood, perhaps not. Or at least I could have let go of them faster. I went so far as to calculate the number of years of my life I’ve ‘lost’ to painful periods. 6 if you are interested, but of course, they were not lost.
So this is what I’ve learned about radical acceptance.
- It doesn’t mean not trying to make things better. Taking painkillers and iron tablets isn’t a failure of acceptance. It’s part of it.
- It doesn’t mean not feeling things. Biting down that frustration and resentment wouldn’t have been a solution.
- It doesn’t mean carrying on regardless and expecting everything I expected from myself when I’m firing on all cylinders.
- It does mean finding a way not to get stuck in the negative emotions that heap misery and suffering on top of pain and difficulty.
In the case of meno-belly, it doesn’t mean we can’t do all the things (probably cutting down sugars and refined carbs, eating more protein and getting into exercise with weights) that might gradually trim some of it away.
- But it does mean not letting the fact that our body has changed shape stopping us doing the things we love and enjoying the company of other people.
- It does mean not getting lost in the vortex of self-criticism that can come with weight gain.
- It might mean treating ourselves to new clothes that are more comfortable and flattering to our new shape.
- It might mean remembering that no matter how old we are, or what size or shape we are, that happiness is a good look and it’s worth working on that.
But how?
- Part of it is being aware of our own thoughts. And exerting a little bit of control of them so that we distract ourselves from the ones that are unhelpful.
- We need to be gentle with our selves, so even if we think our reactions might be a bit daft, they are human and we can forgive ourselves for them before we let them go.
- It helps to be clear on what we can control and what we can’t control.
- It helps to think about working with the problem rather than fighting the problem.
- Meditation is a really good way to practice the skill of observing our thoughts and letting them go.
- Mindfulness can drag us back into the moment when we get caught up in our churning thoughts.
- And the habit of gratitude can help us get through some of this as well (radical acceptance has its roots in Buddhist practice after all).
- I think it also means that we have to find a good balance between recognising our limitations and not giving up the things that bring us joy.
- I’ve also discovered this app which is a great way of increasing our awareness of our own feelings and working on changing them.
And a thought from someone who has been on the heavy side most of her life. It hasn’t stopped me being loved. It hasn’t stopped me being happy. It hasn’t stopped me having successes. It hasn’t stopped me being respected. It hasn’t stopped me being creative. It hasn’t stopped me being healthy (mostly…)
It’s just stopped me being thin!
And as for those painful periods. There’ll probably be a few more of them before I’ve done. And just because there’s been 44 years of them does not entitle me to be done with them any quicker! Nor does it make the world any less strange and beautiful. It just means I have to work a little harder at living in it.
Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.
