Why You Shouldn’t Be Afraid to Get a Divorce

As told by the daughter of divorced parents

Let’s face it, most marriages do not mirror that of Cinderella and her prince charming. Too often, marriages fall apart whether it’s due to money issues, discovering the true character of a partner, the dreaded affairs, or maybe just not feeling happy. Although divorces may not be a huge deal for couples without children, those unhappily married couples with children may feel pressured to stay together. I hear it all the time, “we are staying together for the kids”. But what most people don’t understand is, getting a divorce may actually be better for the kids than toughing the marriage out.

So why does the opinion of a 19 year old blogger on Medium even matter? My parents got divorced when I was seven years old after being married for fourteen years so I will share their story. My father was verbally abusive to my mother for the majority of their marriage and it took a toll on my mom. But it wasn’t until my mom speculated that my father was cheating on her until she thought about filing for a divorce. My mom hired a private investigator and it was discovered that my father was cheating on my mother with a woman named Lynn, my dad’s current girlfriend. I’m sure you can infer how I feel about her.

At the time of my parents divorce, my mom had three young girls, no job, little money, and an immense amount of stress. My mom felt trapped in her relationship as my father had complete control. But this didn’t stop her from achieving happiness. My mom applied to jobs at my elementary school and got a job as a reading assistant. Although my mom started off as a reading assistant, she worked her way up the ranks and is now the secretary to a Superintendent of a school district. My mom’s mental and physical status changed drastically after the divorce. She was happier, had more energy, became more positive, and rarely got sick. Prior to the divorce, my mom never seemed happy, she was always on edge, and constantly sick.

Now the question you are all wondering about, how did my parents divorce impact me? In all honesty, I believe my parents divorces is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Above all, my parents divorce has taught me how to be independent and responsible. After my parents got a divorce, my mother wasn’t able to stay at home anymore. She had to go to work, thus I had to learn how to take care of myself and help her around the house. At age 8, I walked to the bus stop by myself, packed my own lunch, did my own laundry, occasionally made dinner, and helped my mom clean the house and do yard work. I learned how to do all of these things because I had no other choice. If you were starving and your only means of getting food was by hunting, gosh darn it you would learn how to hunt. My point is, children will learn to fend for themselves if they have to and in doing so, they will become greatly independent.

By learning to do all of these tasks at such a young age, I am now prepared to live on my own. I can cook, clean, do laundry, mow the lawn, fix a leaky faucet, replace a doorbell, and the list goes on and on. Not many people my age can say the same thing.

My parents divorce has also taught me the importance of getting a college education, having a stable career, and making your own money. My mom’s biggest regret in life was not completing college. She has inspired me to get a college education and a stable career so that I can support myself if my (future) marriage falls apart. I am now in my second year of nursing school and my mother couldn’t be more proud. I plan to graduate on mother’s day of 2016, my mom says it’ll be the best mother’s day present she could ever ask for.

The point of this post is, if you are unhappy in your marriage (for a legitimate reason) don’t be afraid to get a divorce. In doing so you will be so much happier and although the kids may not see the immediate benefits, they will be better off in the long-run (that is if you keep a cordial relationship with your ex). My mom always says I’d rather be alone and happy, than married and depressed. After all, who needs a prince(ss) to live happily ever after?

If you are planning on getting a divorce, best of luck, you have all of my support!

Coming soon: “What Children of Divorced Couples are Afraid to Tell their Parents”