My Monthly Sports Minute: Sports Advice for “Girl Dads”
Even though my daughter — my first child — was born almost 18 years ago, I still remember the day like it was yesterday. It was one of the happiest days of my life and it changed my life forever. I could no longer be all about my needs, my goals, and my ambitions. I remember telling myself, “From here on out, it’s going to be all about her.” I had officially become a “girl dad.”
I was twenty-one years young when my daughter was born and the only thing I knew for sure was that I wanted to break the generational curse — by being there for her more than my father was ever there for me. I wanted to protect her so she could keep her innocence. I wanted to provide for her so she could have a better upbringing than I had. I wanted to love her so that she would know what real love is and understand her self-worth.
As her grandparents entered the room doing the ten finger and ten toes check, my naive thoughts raced. I am a fierce competitor and an avid sports fanatic so I found myself wondering about daughter’s future appearance and personality. Will she be tall? Will she love sports? Will she be smart?
I wanted to give her the world and make sure she knew the world was a blank canvas at her fingertips. She could be whoever she wanted to be. I was going to make sure she was aware that whatever she set her mind to accomplish could certainly be accomplished. I didn’t want to make her life “a girl version” of my own. I didn’t want my likes and dislikes to become hers. I also didn’t want her to ever feel the need to chase my dreams, or life desires, in order to make me proud. I wanted her to try any and everything she wanted to do and to know that as long as she gave it her best shot, I would be her biggest fan and number one supporter.
Now, my daughter is a senior in high school. I can truly say time flies. It feels like just yesterday she began gymnastics and cheering before taking a few years off from sports for acting. She later tried basketball and attempted track as well. No matter the sport and regardless of how I felt about it, I continued to be her biggest fan and supporter. There were times of sadness and times of happiness, but I always reminded her to keep her head up and to be proud of her effort, regardless of the outcome. Win, lose, or draw, I encouraged her to learn from the experience, let it help to make you stronger, and keep preparing hard until the next game or challenge.
Eventually, my daughter settled into competitive cheerleading. At first, I had no idea what advice I should give her or how to offer constructive criticism after her performances. I ultimately learned competitive cheerleading deserves to be more broadly recognized and appreciated as a sport. I also learned to be very careful with my words when trying to offer consolation.
When I began to think about what advice I have for other athletes and/or parents, it hit close to home. However, instead of giving MY advice, I asked my daughter what advice she would give to the parent of a high school student-athlete. The answers she gave were profound and she left me pleasantly surprised. It helped me to realize that while I did a pretty good job, there are still areas that I need to work on and things I should change going forward. Although I can’t have “a redo or do over” with my daughter I can use her advice while raising her two younger sisters and supporting them in sports.
Here’s the advice my oldest daughter offered to parents of student-athletes:
1. Don’t downplay your child’s sports accomplishments just because its not on a professional level or the sport doesn’t seem as “serious” while they’re young. Remember, each sports activity is still just as important because it’s an opportunity for personal growth and part of your child’s road to success.
2. Make sure your kid is playing a sport because they truly LOVE it or like it a lot, and NOT because they are doing it to reach a certain expectation that you’ve set for them.
3. If you didn’t play the sport, then don’t criticize it (For example: if you were a football player, don’t downplay your daughter’s cheerleading, and if you were a track star don’t downplay your child who is an ice skater)
4. Practice with your child. Don’t just yell at them or give your opinion on how they can be better. Show that you care by investing time into learning their sport, even if you’ve never played it.
5. Last, but certainly not least, many children are participating in sports to make their parents proud so be careful with your criticism/critiques. Make sure there is healthy communication because at the end of the day coaches can be as brutally honest as they want to be, but parents are the ones that student-athletes look up to for protection and guidance.
My oldest daughter has helped me see, we have to learn the difference between being a parent and a coach. We invest so much time and energy into our children’s so it’s important we’re strategic with it. Our kids are going to be the next generation to run the world one day. It is our responsibility to make sure we keep them sheltered, to an extent, from the cruelty of the world. We also have to teach them how to channel the negativity they do encounter into positive energy and self-growth. Not all criticism is bad, and that’s definitely where we can intervene as parents. Helping our children navigate those difficult waters is part of teaching them how to grow and mature.
Sports is a place to help our kids develop people skills and learn life lessons. They will need them later in life. The best lesson we can teach our children is that it’s not about how many times you fall down. It’s about making sure you get back up every single time and continue moving forward.
— Jonathan Waddell, a proud “Girl Dad”
