My Selection — Fake Love
A song about the dark and complex sides of love
For you, I could pretend like I was happy when I was sad
For you, I could pretend like I was strong when I was hurt
I wish love was perfect as love itself
I wish all my weaknesses could be hidden
I grew a flower that can’t be bloomed in a dream that can’t come true
It was only after I read these lyrics did I realize that I wasn’t the only person who faced the challenge of hiding behind a mask of happiness for my loved ones.
Throughout my life, I’ve wrestled with the same question over and over again: how much of my struggles should I share with those I loved?
How much of the pain I’m feeling will they actually understand? I want them to know how I’m feeling, but how much of the pain in the deepest recesses of my heart can I share before my hurt becomes their hurt? I don’t want to be alone when life gets hard, but I don’t want the burden on my shoulders to become their trouble, too. And I don’t want them to know about a problem they cannot solve, because they’ll hate knowing I’m struggling and yet being unable to remedy my hurt.
Whenever I felt insecure, lacking, or worthless–whether it’s because of a small mistake I did, or a spectacular failure in a big school project–it didn’t feel right to burden those I loved with what I felt because they had worked so hard for me to become a happy person with a good life. There were times when it seemed as if my problems were not worth their time or energy.
It was always easier to cry alone. It was always easier for me to face sadness and hurt alone, or to hide it under a mask of optimism and cheerfulness. I consoled myself by telling myself that “this, too, shall pass,” trying to think about what I was grateful for, and doing anything to make me forget about what I actually felt.
I still don’t know how to free myself from the urge to hide behind a mask of cheerfulness, or if I should even try. All I know is that I’m not alone, and that’s enough to keep me trying to find the right answer.
The lyrics above came from BTS’s song “Fake Love.” In an interview, their leader RM said “We’re saying that if you’re not true to yourself, your love won’t last forever.”
You can watch the music video here:
