MY THOUGHTS ABOUT: Dora The Explorer Trailer
Noah here, and today we’re going to talk about something scary. Nope, it’s not Annabelle. Not The Conjuring. Not The Nun.
It’s Dora The Explorer, the live-action movie
I’m filled with many, many, many questions. What the fuck on Earth is this? What have directors come to? Shitty movies is one thing, but this is the next level of “WOW!”.
Let’s talk about this horrible sucking trailer. Dora is told by her parents to not get into the forest anymore as it is dangerous and they want her to be a normal girl. She is then forced to go to school before getting kidnapped by some random assholes and transported back to the forest. Back to the place her parents forbid her to go. Wow, great story plot there, James Bobin. You did a good job with The Muppets. Why did you come out with this kind of shit?
As I was saying about this movie, as it just so happens, Dora and her friends were along with her for some reason that I don’t know. Diego’s there too. Oh great. Together forever. Turns out Dora has to save her parents and discover the ‘lost city of gold’. What kind of clichéd storyline is that? That’s just utter bullshit.
Boots looks like shit too. The monkey looks really weird and disturbing. And also, I’d like to ask. Did the animated series, A.K.A. the original series, involve Dora finding stupid cities and saving her parents? As if Dora in her ‘tween’ stage isn’t ugly enough, this shit’s got to be uglier. Guess who’s playing Dora in live-action? Isabela Moner, who played as the annyoing Izabella in Transformers The Last Knight. That’s when you know it’s going to be crap.
One more question. Where’s Map and where’s Swiper? I’d better hear Dora turning to the damn screen and telling us what to do so that we viewers can scream in the cinema. I’d better see Swiper and Map, and Backpack talk too. if none of that comes out, I’m going to be furious. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS MOVIE? WHY IS THIS EVEN MADE? WHAT DID THE WORLD DID TO YOU, THAT YOU HAVE TO MAKE THIS, JAMES BOBIN? TELL ME, I WOULD REALLY LIKE TO KNOW.
If there are movies like Dora and The Lost City of Gold, what’s there going to be in the future? Teletubbies and The Fight Against Darth Vader? Handy Mandy, Bob The Builder, and Fix-It-Felix Jr. versus Thomas The Tank Engine, Tom & Jerry, Kids Next Door, and Spongebob in Cartoon: Infinity Wars? Barney: The Horror Movie? No, actually I think the last one might happen. Barney actually looks scary. I got a nightmare about him once a few years ago when I was young. I tried hiding in a tent late at night and running away from me, but he caught me, roared at me and ate me alive. That was some scary shit.
I love how CollegeHumor did a parody of a possible trailer of a Dora The Explorer live-action movie would look like. It’s like they predicted that this shit’s coming out of Nickelodeon. Nickelodeon’s like “Hey, CollegeHumor, the trailer looks cool. Can I copy your trailer?” and CH’s like “Yeah, don’t make it too obvious.”
I’m sure this is going to be a very bad failure. I’m just ready to watch it be famous for a week, then die down immediately after that. What a disappointment.
