The break up.

You know what sucks? Breaking up. Whether you are the one who is left or the one who is leaving does not really matter. Because it still hurts. It doesn’t matter what the reasons are, even if they are very good reasons. The thing that i think hurts the most is not that the relationship is over, but the friendship is also over. When you build a life with someone you don’t build it with the thought that you won’t last forever and when it does finally end you are left feeling empty, homesick and lonely. You had a best friend who you shared everything with. Life experiences, feelings, food and a home. You created memories.

Christmas 2014

Memories that are going to be with you for the rest of your life. Good ones, bad ones, happy ones and sad ones. The bright side is you will always be able to think of those memories fondly, even when you know the other person regrets it all. You had quirky little inside jokes. Ways of saying i love you. Little silly nick names for each other like pistachio. Those things will always be yours. But now who do you turn too when your best friend is gone? When your home doesn’t feel like your home anymore because your home is with them? On those days when something exciting happens and you just want to tell them. Or when something horrible happens and you pick up your phone to call them and you realise they wont even look at you, there is no way they will answer your phone call. If there is a reason that they absolutely must stay in your life then the situation gets a whole lot harder and sometimes even weird. You have those awkward conversations where you don’t even know how to talk to each other anymore. Those phone conversations where you both go silent for a second and you feel like something needs to be said but neither one of you is brave enough or there is a reason why you can’t. Where sometimes all you need is a small message to show that you weren’t just a waste of time too them. And the worst of all is the wishing you could just fix everything for your own sanity. Or too erase the entire relationship and love part of the equation so that you can still at least have your best friend back. If you can be brave and say the things you really want too say, you should do it. Things could not get any worse and who knows, it might help. Maybe you can get your friend back, or even your relationship. Because when you lose your best friend a part of your soul dies.

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