Psychology | Mental health | Relationship
We Tend to Keep Secrets, But Why!
The psychology that prevents us from being an open book
Many of us often hide our failures and most embarrassing moments from our loved ones. We feel very reluctant to reveal such negative information and incidents about ourselves. Many times, keeping so many secrets may make us feel relentless and heavy-headed. Still, we do.
We worry that our reputation and relations will be affected if we reveal those secrets. We fear that people will judge us negatively. However, in this process, we find it difficult to make friends, and people do not easily trust us.
Recently scientists from Oklahoma State University and the University of Chicago have busted some myths regarding this very subject. The study comprised of more than 2000 people, revealed that people often anticipate harsher judgements than how listeners think of them.
The participants were instructed to lie particularly about a question when they cried last time. Then their anticipation of judgement was recorded prior to revealing the truth. The evaluations confirmed that the impression of the conversation partner was less negative than the prior anticipation.
Interestingly, the secrets included from night chocolate eating behind a partner’s back to health decisions or cheating. Each time the revealers underestimated their partner’s consideration and overestimated their negative judgement.
Then, why do people often misjudge such scenarios and think negatively? One explanation is that such people feel some form of guilt and low self-esteem while conveying the secret, and overlook the very positive characteristics of this revelation.
Such acts of revelation include many positive traits such as courage, honesty, openness, vulnerability and trust which the listener always values. This also aids transparency. Therefore, it is essential to broaden our perception of both the negative and positive aspects of telling someone a secret.
Therefore, misguided assumptions about the recipient’s reaction often steer people’s decision whether to open up or not. If the participants are assured beforehand that they will not be judged harshly, the majority of them choose to reveal rather than conceal.
The burden of half-truths or deceptions is indeed heavy. Many participants felt lighter in their heads and less stressed after telling their secrets. Let’s shed off our mistaken beliefs and make our relations stronger and better. 🙂
