Indecisive Enneagram Types
“I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.”
- Michael Scott
Do you have a hard time making decisions? When we’re faced with endless choices each day, indecision can plague even the most assertive of us at times. Everything from how we choose to take our morning cup of coffee, to deciding whether or not your team has the capacity to take on that new client at work — sometimes being constantly bombarded with choices can leave us with decision fatigue. Some personality types are more likely than others to struggle with the weight of indecision. Here’s a glimpse into which Enneagram types usually have the most trouble making up their minds, why it happens, and what they can do about it.
Nines: The Peacemakers
Nines often struggle with indecision because of their desire to keep the peace, both externally and internally. They strive to maintain harmony in their relationships with others, and have a strong motivation to not let anything offset their inner equilibrium. Nines tend to let others make the decisions instead of voicing their own opinions because it allows them to stay comfortable.
Making a firm decision almost always invites distress. Someone is likely to disagree with the decision and may be unhappy with the decision-maker because of it, which causes conflict in the relationship. There’s also often a downside to every decision we make — picking one thing means we miss out on another, or we discover there are unexpected negative consequences to our choices. Nines see making decisions as a way to quickly upset the comfort that they crave because it interrupts the easygoing approach they take with others and themselves. They’re often the ones to deflect decisions by saying something along the lines of “I don’t know, what do you want?” or “Sure, whatever you think is best.” Allowing others to make choices ensures Nines can align their opinions with the people around them and keep things conflict-free.
Nines can also have a hard time with being assertive because of their tendency to self-forget¹. In an effort to avoid discomfort, they may repress their true thoughts and feelings for so long that they “forget” to recognize their own individual preferences or fail to see those preferences as equally important. When facing a decision with many possibilities, it can become almost impossible for them to make up their minds because they’re unsure of what they actually want.
In order to overcome this, Nines need to challenge themselves to identify their own feelings, preferences, values, and dreams, instead of trying to find them through other people. Then Nines should be firm about voicing their own opinions and not giving in when pressured by others. If they’re struggling with a decision that involves a lot of choices, Nines may find it easier to make a decision after someone else has narrowed down the options for them.
It may be uncomfortable for Nines to come out of hiding and, as a result, face potential conflict in their relationships, but this is a sign that they are likely moving in a healthy direction¹. When Nines can make decisions based on what they believe is important, it shows that they respect themselves and are able to draw boundaries in order to remember who they are.
Sixes: The Loyalists
Sixes’ indecisiveness usually stems from their own self-doubt and fear. They desire stability and security, and place a significant emphasis on maintaining connections with others. Sixes feel a deeply-rooted sense that they don’t have what it takes to handle what life throws at them, so they turn to others for help. Sixes fear making their own decisions because they worry so much about all the “what ifs?” that they don’t trust their own intuition, and would prefer to follow the guidance of others¹.
Making a decision requires taking a certain level of responsibility over the situation and its potential outcome. When we make a decision that ends with a good outcome, taking responsibility over it usually comes fairly easily. But it can be a lot more difficult when our choices inadvertently lead to negative consequences, which is exactly what can leave Sixes feeling paralyzed. It’s not that they don’t want responsibility, but Sixes tend to think in terms of worst-case scenarios¹, and don’t want to leave themselves exposed to these perceived threats. They might waver back and forth in their thinking, trying to figure out a way to eliminate all potential catastrophes because those problems would upset their need for safety.
When faced with a choice, Sixes may either look to others for direction or they might just avoid taking any action at all. Procrastinating on a decision enables them to put off facing their fears, and instead continue obsessing over it in their minds by waffling in their uncertainty and anxiety. They mentally prepare for every possible outcome, which helps strengthen their sense of security, but evading taking action means they don’t face the source of their anxieties until it’s forced upon them by someone else.
To get past this struggle, Sixes need to learn to trust themselves. They should be reminded that they are brave, resourceful, and capable of handling whatever comes their way. They don’t need to rely on the strength of others to get through, or avoid their fears altogether in order to stay protected. They can, and should, make decisions by following their own beliefs and trusting their own inner guidance.
Sixes need to realize that they live in a world where problems and dangers will always exist. Sometimes the most courageous thing they can do is step up and take action even in the midst of fear, unwilling to let their worries get the best of them and having faith that they’ll make it through, no matter what the outcome.
What’s a tough decision you’ve had to make in the past? How did you handle it? Share your thoughts with us @myuserguide.
[1] Cron, Ian Morgan, and Suzanne Stabile. The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self-Discovery. InterVarsity Press, 2016.
