Lessons from a quarter a century on planet earth

When I was younger, I believed the world was flat, that Leonardo DiCaprio died in the Titanic, and one day I’d win an Oscar for best screenplay. (I still believe I’ll bring that academy award home).

Growing up, life has taught me differently. Education is not the only key to success, hard work alone is not enough and definitely Treasure Island doesn’t exist. There’s no Matrix and neither is Morpheus and his gang going to come and free my mind from this illusion I’m living.

I was the guy who had his whole life figured out with a five year plan. Nothing was left to chance. Everything was planned to the dot.

However, last year taught me more than I’ve learnt all my life. Probably because I was about to hit the 25 mark with a great deal of mistakes on my sleeves and a handful of successes to show.

‘Because 25 to life is no joke
To all my real gorillas thuggin’
On top of corners everyday struggling’
Wyclef Jean | Sweetest Girl

While the psalmist says we are just sojourners passing through, living life can be such an extreme sport: one moment it’s joy and ecstasy and the other is defeat and dejection. There is no welcome banner for living a quarter a century, heck, not even crossing the celebrity 100 year mark.

However, making 25 years comes with several points of learnings and reflections. The last quarter a century has pushed me to challenge my plans, beliefs, virtues, personality and character. Some days I’ve had to question God and wonder whether He still cares. Some days I wished I could press the reset button and wake up a different man with a different story.

Notwithstanding, there’s a myriad of lessons I’ve learnt over the years that I am grateful for and some I wish I had known better. The learning curve just never seems to cease.

That’s why I am writing myself a letter as a reminder of all the lessons I have learnt. This came after precipitating the idea on my 25th birthday. This definitely sounds ridiculous, so without further ado, let’s dive right in;

Dear ABK,

I don’t know where to start from with this I’ll try to be as brief as possible because by now you’ve learnt there’s not that much time to throw around.

Life’s a precious thing you’ve been blessed with. Some days are awesome, some are terrible but no matter what, the fact that you’re still alive should be enough to be thankful for tomorrow is gonna be much better.

The shortness of life though is what makes each minute precious. Don’t you waste a second on something/someone that takes away your peace.

However this doesn’t call for you to do everything in haste, as if pressing panic buttons. Be patient. Remember nothing worth doing is worth doing quickly. Don’t waste. Nothing worth building is worth building in a rush. Nothing of value is formed in a minute. However that doesn’t call for complacency and procrastination because time waits for no man.

Like the millenials say, You Only Live Once — YOLO. You need to understand that doesn’t necessarily mean that your next day is the last one, but rather you can only live each day once. Make good use of it. Kevin, you’ll live your twenties once, thirties once so whatever it is, JUST DO IT.

This world owes you nothing. So don’t feel entitled. You’re as good as what you work for. Expect nothing free.

Do everything you set your heart on like your life depended on it. Remember, you’re not doing it for man, but to honour God who gives you the strength to will and to do. Yo scared you’ll fail?! Well everyone is scared of failure, but it’s only the greatest of the lot that carry on in the face of adversity. And even when you fail a thousand times, you won’t have lost but rather found a thousand ways that won’t work. Our greatest glory is not in never failing but rather standing every time we fall. Besides losing ain’t losing if you’ve learned from it. It’s a lesson on how to win.

‘That pain go make you stronger.
That hurt gonna make you a leader.
Don’t let that make you a monster…
The Master Artist makes your mess a masterpiece’
Lecrae | 8:28 | ATWT

Don’t let fear be your master. If you like something go for it, if you love someone tell them. The worst answer you can get is a no. That’s part of life: work, relationships and life are defined by rejections. Don’t stop. Don’t give up. Keep trying. Then perhaps one day you’ll find what you’ve been looking for. Or maybe not… maybe you’ll find something much greater.

I know you’d like to be positive about people, but no matter how hard you try or how much you wait, people never change. That’s one of the most disturbing things about life. I know you like to be patient with them and hope maybe one day they turn out different. Sorry, that’s just the way things are. Some things just never change. Learn to live with that and you’ll find peace.

Don’t take anything on face value. What you think is important now may not be important two years later. Or what you spend all your life trying to achieve might not satisfy you as you expected when you finally get it, so don’t substitute people for things, achievements and money.

The biggest treasure we have is people and the most excellent gift we can give is love. Regardless of the situation at hand, don’t you ever put anything before people. Not work, not money. Nothing. We are built on networks of people. Never despise anyone. I repeat, never despise anyone. More so never despise an underdog. Life can surprise you at the drop of a hat.
Make peace with whom you have to, love those you’re given, forgive those who offend you because life is just a wisp of wind. We are here today and gone tomorrow. For some people the opportunity you get now maybe the only chance you have to make it right with them. Use it without holding back.

Family is not just those with whom you share blood. It’s those who’ve stood with you when you needed them most, those who’ve supported and raised you. Like the old African proverb, ‘it takes a village to raise a man’. Love your family, cherish them, support them and create time for them because they are all you got.

When time comes and you have to give your heart to another, remember love is a delicate thing. Treat it as such. It’s hard to find someone whom your heart is willing to let go and become one with them. Once you find that person who is worth the risk, never let them go because you don’t know what it takes to find someone else like that. Love with your heart not your head. Don’t love because it’s convenient. Don’t love because she’s available. Love because your heart melts when you think of her. You should be able to look at her and say, ‘you complete me’ or ‘you had me at hello’. I know this doesn’t sound important now, when the time comes you’ll thank me.

Have it in mind that when that time comes, you’ll have to make hard choices. You’ll have to go out of your comfortable place and let go of all your fears and insecurities. You might freak out because you’re scared whether it will work out or not. Sometimes you have to stop being scared and just go for it. Either it will work or it won’t. C’est la vie. You’ll never know if you don’t try. Be of courage. Because no matter how tricky it is, love is indeed a choice. You feel it with your heart and you choose with your mind.

Maximize every opportunity you get. Don’t leave things to fate. You can’t forget what King Bach said in When we first met, “Fate is a tricky lady. When you try to figure her out, you just get more confused. The mistakes you’ve made have made you who you are today. Things happen randomly for no reason at all. But they create opportunities. And you learn from those opportunities, even the missed ones. The question is, can you recognize the next opportunity when it matters the most?”

You’ve heard them say, opportunity is not lost, it goes to some else. They were right. Just like those who say there’s no second chance to make a first impression.

Cherish every opportunity you get and use it unsparingly. Some chances will be squandered, some others, hopefully more, will be triumphed. Tire not. That’s normal. No one is perfect. Always pray that God gives you the strength to change the things you can and the serenity to accept what you can’t.

Some things in life will work out without effort, some will require you to give all you have. Some will work out instantly and others will require you to wait a tad longer. Wisdom is in knowing the difference. Knowing when you have to go on and when you have to let go. Unfortunately, life never gives a hole for us to peep. So you can never know when it’s time to hang up the gloves. One thing I’m certain you can rely on is your gut. Whatever it is, give it your all until you feel you can’t go on any longer such that in case it fails you’ll confidently walk away knowing you did the best you could. It just was never meant for you.

Sometimes in life the best solution is to give up. Remember sometimes we keep our eyes on the closed doors that we don’t see the open ones.

Respect is not given, it’s earned. That you already know but don’t you forget that. Manners maketh man. Always remember the golden rule, ‘treat others as you’d like to be treated’. Remember what Nashi told you, ‘you give people good shit, they give you better shit, you give them bad shit, they give you worse shit’.

Money is important but it does not define you. Lecrae illustrated this perfectly. ‘You’ll think it makes your life better, only to find you’re still depressed. There’s nothing wrong with having it, matter of fact go and get it. But if you find identity in it, then go and forget it. You can gain the whole world but lose the only thing you own, cause everything else is just a temporary loan.’
We just custodians of what God has blessed us with. Be a good custodian. Tithe. Invest. Save. Spend at will, after all it’s your sweat and time you invested to get it. Work has never been easy, that you know better than the back of your hand, but I’ll say it once again, ‘Hard work beats talent when talent fails to work hard’. Life is not easy, it’s a hustle day and night. You’ve got to work extremely hard and smart. Sleep is for the weak. Remember what daddy used to say, you’ll sleep all you want when you die. Keep it in mind though, hard work alone is not enough.

Success requires a whole lot of luck.

So keep creating. Never settle. The world is your oyster. You’re whatever you choose to believe. Keep believing in yourself and never stop. Speak life always because the tongue has the power to kill and destroy.

Be optimistic and never stop dreaming. This world belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams. Keep on dreaming, keep on creating because when you see it, once you achieve it, it’s unforgettable.

Be humble. Be teachable and always keep learning. The more you learn, the more you realize you still have a lot to learn. Most importantly don’t forget the words of Daniel cum Uncle Benon ‘Make Google your best friend’.

Dream big. Think different. For a biggest part you won’t fit in this world. So don’t try to fit in because you’ll never be enough. Just invent who you wanna be. Take heart. No one ever made a difference by being like everyone else. If you live for people’s acceptance, you’ll die because of their rejection. Do something because you love it and it means something to you. Remember you can do anything through God who strengthens you. After all, it’s not how good you are, but how good you want to become. Put the long hours in; do it long enough and magical life-transforming things happen eventually.

Keep physically fit. Run once in a while, hit the gym often and pump some muscles. You’ll keep looking younger and you’ll feel much healthier. It takes a lot of discipline but I’m confident you have enough encouragement to pull through. It’s your life and no one is going to live it for you. You are responsible for whom you become and the choices you make. By now it’s clear to you that you can pick your decisions but you can’t pick your consequences. Life is indeed about causality.

And the end of it all, remember Kevin you are special. You are made for greatness; and even on your last breath don’t you ever forget that. Don’t you ever think any less of yourself. Your works will challenge the great thinkers and offend the shallow minded. Be humble.

Love God. Love people. Keep believing and trusting. We make our plans, but God has the last WORD. Trust in God with all your heart and lean not on your understanding

Yours sincerely,
ABK.