A Day Of Many Sad Goodbyes And One Happy Hello

Melissa Smith
Aug 23, 2017 · 6 min read

July 22 — I slept in this morning until the last possible moment. Getting up was the cold hard reality of taking my son to the airport. I didn’t want to do it but knew it must be done.

As is usual I kept pretty quiet and watched him pack his few final items. I’m rarely quiet except during these times when I have to say goodbye. We did the opposite back in December on New Year’s Eve. A quiet drive. Not really knowing what to say as I prepared to leave for a year.

I followed him around trying to make sure he didn’t forget anything. He didn’t. As we made our way out I asked if he had his wallet, phone, and passport. He did. He doesn’t really need me to remind him but it makes me feel good to do so.

Last night we stayed out late without thinking about it too much. We’re hoping he can sleep on the plane. Since we’re both tired it makes for even less conversation. He can’t check-in online and we wait together in the long line to check his bag for as long as we could. When only he can move on I go grab a coffee and buy him a chocolate milk and breakfast muffin.

We keep losing each other as I wander around and he moves in the line. I find him first though. I’m the mom and it’s what we do. We can spot our children from a mile away. Their mannerisms give them away even when you can’t see their face. I can see his face and my little boy is looking for me too. If I keep staring at him I know he’ll be able to spot me and he does.

After checking his bag we walk our last 100 meters together before he goes through security. Again, I start giving him instructions and he stops me mid sentence and hugs me. I no longer feel like the mom but a child. He’s comforting me. My heart breaks to say goodbye even though I should be grateful for the time we spent together.

He releases me because it’s time to go. I give him one last instruction, to let me know he’s arrived safely. He thanks me for the trip and tells me what a great time he had. We exchange I love you’s and I watch him go through security. Before he turns the corner and I’ll no longer be able to see him, he looks back one last time to waive and then disappears.

Immediately I let the tears fall. There is nothing I can do to stop them. I walked through the airport and got on the bus home with my son’s words ringing in my ears. He thanked me for his trip. This whole time I wasn’t thinking about this really being his trip. Coming to see me had been all about me.

I needed to see him. I wanted to see him. I couldn’t wait to introduce him to as many people as I could. I was selfish about the whole thing. Of course, I knew it was fun for him to come and he was looking forward to his first international trip, seeing me, visiting with his grandparents, but it never occurred to me it would mean as much to him as it did for me.

Walking in the door of my apartment I began to cry again as I smelled his cologne. Suddenly it seemed so empty. I went into the living room to clean up and he already had. My messy little boy folded his blankets and placed them on the couch. I bursted into tears and dramatically laid down where he slept and had myself a long cry.

A few hours later I met with a friend for the very first time. Like many of my friends since we meet online meeting in person is a huge treat. We connected back in March and she’s here with a conference. Although she leaves later today she made time to meet with me. I was thrilled to meet her especially since if I wasn’t meeting her I probably would have wasted away today crying like a baby.

As we walked around town I felt as though we knew one another for years. Probably because she reminded me of a friend from back home. They even look alike. She has a very calm, relaxing way about her. An ease to the way she speaks. An ear to really listen not simply hear. I could tell quickly she isn’t patiently waiting for me to stop speaking she was taking in what I had to say.

I did my best to make her feel the same. Although she has an admin and event coordinator background she is starting a new path and I couldn’t be more excited for her. When she gets back to the States she’ll begin her coaching certification. I can think of few people so well suited to coach others. Coaching is about bringing out the best in people. Even with a rough day I felt at my best with her as we walked around the neighborhood.

This side of Berlin is definitely more my speed. It’s in the Mitte neighborhood and I like it far more than Moabit. There is a lot of outdoor eating places and the park is nicer. We walked through a farmer’s market which I would have visited every day if I could. The feeling in the air was more laid back and warm as well. Very different than other places in Berlin.

When it was time to say goodbye it was a bit hard for me. My second goodbye of the day. I refuse to count it and only remember the happy hello of meeting her in person for the very first time in the most unlikely of places. Two Americans meeting in Berlin.

I was so out of it the ride home was a comedy of errors, if I had had the strength to laugh. I got on three wrong trams. It was a wonder I ever made it home. Not too long after I did I caught the bus to go meet my mom and her husband for dinner.

Right after I got on the bus the sky opened up and poured down rain like you wouldn’t believe. In minutes people were soaked to the bone. Trying to outrun the rain was futile and foolish as clothing and items were dropped along the way. I sat happily on the bus and felt as though the rain was dropping tears from my heart. There are still more goodbyes to be said.

The last dinner with my mom and stepdad was just the three of us. Everyone else has left. They leave tomorrow morning. Our once big family dinner was now down to three. Dinner wasn’t less special because there was less people. I was sad because I know tomorrow it will back down to one. Me. All my family will have left the country and I’ll miss them terribly.

It was nice to see my stepdad so happy. I could tell this was a great trip for them too. To both be with some of their children and grandchildren on vacation isn’t something they get to do often. He thanked me for traveling so they could have this opportunity. We always had the opportunity. Someone simply had to go first and this time it was me.

Another goodbye and now I’m numb. Tears I would have normally cried dried up. On I went to a party where I was crying on the inside laughing on the outside and wondering how in the world I’m going to get out of bed tomorrow.

My end of day gratitude:

  1. Giving my son his first international trip.
  2. Meeting a friend in person for the very first time.
  3. Having so many Roamers to call friends.

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My Year As A “Roamer”

The daily life of a human while working and living in 12 countries in 12 months in 2017.

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Melissa Smith

Written by

World traveler. Virtual Assistant Matchmaker. Remote Work Consultant. Entrepreneur. Bestselling Author. Mother. Sister. Daughter. Human. Everybody is somebody.

My Year As A “Roamer”

The daily life of a human while working and living in 12 countries in 12 months in 2017.

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