Again, I’m Angry, Frustrated, Nervous, Anxious, & Lonely

February 23 — I had to cut off communication again. Getting closer to leaving has me anxious. It’s almost like when I first arrived. I’m also very upset. I’ve started questioning myself in so many different ways. Am I cut out for this? Did I think I was a traveler but not really? What if I get to Colombia and it’s horrible? I have almost five weeks there.

My friends and family are trying to communicate with me and I can’t. I feel like I’m picking fights with them. It’s true you hurt the ones you love. I can’t be the person to do that so I let them know I’m cutting off communication again. I don’t want to say or message something I can’t take back.

My body isn’t handling things well either. This is the second day in a row I have had to take a migraine pill. I’m tight and tense. I went for a walk and it didn’t help me. I want to cry to let it out and I have nothing.

There is a local game night in town at this really cool cafe, Jack & Jack’s. Me and my roommate are going there later while many of the others have a cooking class. Not really caring for the food here I didn’t find it at all appealing. Plus, I’m not good company. I don’t want to bring their party down.

I met my roommate at a hamburger place that is supposed to be really good. (The same one we tried to visit not too long ago but was closed.) Not only was it a good meal but it was good to talk things out. First, let’s talk about the meal for a moment.

Floripa has somewhat redeemed themselves on this burger. I wouldn’t say it was the best burger I ever had or that I was tempted to go back. However, it was 1000 times better than what I’ve seen and had already. They didn’t smash it, the flavor was good, and the presentation was nice too. Having said that they cooked it rare. Not medium rare. Rare.

While I like my steaks medium rare and would eat a rare steak, hamburgers are completely different. Medium is how I normally eat and prefer my hamburgers. I ate it until I got full. It made for a messy burger though.

While probably not known for their side dishes since “hamburger” is the name of the place, the green beans stole the show. They were flavored with pesto sauce. Really good! Vegetables can be found in the market. Although I haven’t found a good produce market. Restaurants don’t necessarily serve them with your meal as a side dish. I’ve ordered salmon twice now at two different locations and it comes with fries and rice. I miss salads.

The meal was better because my roommate is very supportive and sensitive to me feelings here even though she likes it. It makes a huge difference. She’s a doctor and almost every morning we sit at the table and work across from one another. We have a routine kind of like an old married couple. While I listen to her take calls she listens to me typing away. Even over the phone she has an amazing bedside manner about her. She is who I would want to get if I was calling in for medical treatment.

I shared my frustrations and concerns with her. My doubts and fears. She assures me I can do this and Floripa simply isn’t my place. There isn’t anything wrong with me because I don’t love it here like the other Roamers. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

Feeling much better we walk over to the game night and find out it has been cancelled due to Carnaval. Of course it has. I had been looking forward to this for an entire week. I love to play games and the thought of coming to game night has kept me going all week. I haven’t been laughing enough and thought this might be the place.

On the way out I see a mug with a simple note attached, “smile”. It was like a personalized note just for me. I took a photo (above) and did manage to smile. There’s always a reason to smile. Sadly, I need reminders like this a lot lately.

We make our way over to the food trucks where we’ll meet others later and another traveling group, Wifi Tribe. At least I think they travel. They could just be stationary. Some of the Roamers met them at a club a week or so ago. While we wait we met a couple from New York.

They are working remotely, traveling, and have almost the same itinerary as we do. It was really good to talk with them. Until ultimately, the conversation turns to how much they love it here. He asks me how much I love it too. I can’t and don’t see a reason to lie. I simply say this isn’t my kind of place. They are shocked.

Then we meet some other remote working travelers. When I ask where they are from I get the response, “The Empire of Evil”. Okay…. Turns out that stands for Russia. They have been traveling for 10 years and all met pretty randomly.

A cool breeze came in and that was my queue to leave. I got cold. Another thing someone couldn’t believe. Hey, I was born and raised in California. Not Russia. Anything below 80 and I’m probably going to start covering up. Don’t judge me.

Another day has ended and I’m thankful it means one more day I can check off to leave this place.

My end of day gratitude:

  1. An understanding roommate.
  2. Meeting some interesting people.
  3. Eating vegetables.

Check out my reason for making this trip here.

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