
As Painful As Goodbye Is I Don’t Want It To Be Normal
July 23 — This year is about creating new normals for myself. Not exactly what I thought or how I would have phrased it in the beginning. No, then, I said I wanted to be comfortable being uncomfortable. Turns out making yourself comfortable is pretty easy. Especially when you change your definition of “normal”.
Of all the things which are now my daily and monthly norms, goodbye isn’t one of them. I’m struggling to get out of bed today as my family has left. My normal day of upcoming travel which gives me an odd peace I’m not looking forward to. This trip won’t be like the others as people have gone home. The airport will seem empty with so many Roamers missing.
Having such strong emotions can be difficult. It can also be very positive. While I’m deeply saddened I have also been the most overjoyed in the last week as well. My emotions span both sides of the spectrum. Feeling pain isn’t fun but I have to remind myself it hurts so bad because it once was so good.
Saying goodbye isn’t normal to me. I’m amazed and shocked at how some people do it so well. Some don’t even do it at all! As painful or uncomfortable as it is they simply skip out and avoid all contact and conversation. I can’t do that. I’m too afraid it might be the last time I ever see them.
I think about death a lot in the sense it could happen at any time. It’s not always appropriate to say everything on your mind. However, when you are saying goodbye it’s the time to say something which will always be remembered. It’s why calls with my family always end in “I love you”. The words aren’t hollow and never lose their value. When my last day is up those are the last words my family would have heard me say.
Sitting here today in my Berlin apartment should be foreign to me. I don’t find it to be that way at all. This life is my new normal. My old normal of hating goodbyes remains. Through all the changes I’m still me.
My end of day gratitude:
- Having such great family and friends to miss so badly.
- Being able to have made such great memories.
- My lovely apartment in Berlin.

