Could I Be Losing Readers Because Of My Happiness?

September 23 — We all have our place in life. Being the middle child of three in a household run military style, our roles were clearly defined. What we were tasked with doing wasn’t because we couldn’t do more or what the other sibling was, my dad was playing to our strengths long before the idea was popular.

I’ve said many times throughout the blog how my sister is the one to call for parties. She can throw a great one and be the life of them all while at the same time including others. A quality I always wished to have possessed. There have been occasions where I felt such things but not regularly. Indeed they were special occasions. Few and far between.

What I’ve always been good at is meeting people where they are. Finding out more about them and being genuinely interested in them. Looking out for the wallflower and the person scribbling on a napkin, someone at the table who hasn’t joined in the conversation. Ultimately, it takes one to know one and up until recently I never thought of this as a “gift”.

Thinking about how much I love to read poems I wonder why I didn’t notice before. Even if you’re not into poetry your favorite musical lyrics are likely to express an emotion or feeling you have in a metaphorical way which exactly describes what you couldn’t express. I find that laughter and happiness don’t always require such examples. Somehow those are more easily understood. However, things like love and pain we want to be thoroughly detailed because we don’t think of ours like everyone else’s.

Readership and new followers on this blog have not risen in the same manner as previous months. As I search to try and figure out why, question my writing, wonder about the relevancy, I began noticing the posts which were getting the most attention. On the business side of my writing I did the same and both had something in common. My readers identify with the pain and struggle of my work and life. Not the happiness.

I truly don’t believe this is a “misery loves company” scenario. There was a time I would have. Instead I choose to see it as people not being able to identify with what they once did. With the blog 30 days delayed what people are reading about the most is the happiness I felt in Croatia. However, this blog didn’t grow leaps and bounds in my happiest moments. On the contrary it was during my darkest times and struggle.

If that is in fact what people need from me, I’m happy to be that writer for them. A voice for the pain they don’t know how to express. It won’t be always or constant and I won’t even say I’ll be that person because I don’t consider myself an unhappy person even with the not so great life occurrences. Writing is my way of getting it all out. A way to make sure I don’t hold on. This blog is a journal for me which I chose to share.

The way I journal isn’t for everyone. Some people say you shouldn’t write about the bad things. Only the good. I keep a separate daily journal only to write down a line of happiness. At the end of each blog I write three things I’m grateful for. I choose to write about whatever is pressing on my mind. Whether considered good or bad I want it out of me. When I consider it good this is my way of celebrating. When I consider it bad this is my way of letting go.

Not everyone can be happy and you certainly don’t want to be around the wrong sad person. Negativity and pain, sadness aren’t the same thing. Maybe through the blog I can even be an ear. Someone to sit in silence. If no judgement is what you need here I am. I offer no cliches or quick fixes. Sometimes you have to work through the pain and sometimes you need to feel it.

My end of day gratitude:

  1. Having a wonderful last day touring Tel Aviv.
  2. Having a voice.
  3. Having spent a week in Israel.

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