I Have A New Reason To Hate The Dentist

September 14– Somehow I forgot how the dentist has the ability to take me down about 20 notches. On the positive side, at least I had 20 notches to be taken down this afternoon.

Finishing a long night from my apartment was good. Especially today when I won’t be working from home because of appointments. One day of being able to sleep when I was obviously exhausted (I fell asleep in my dress) instead of having to walk home first made a huge difference. I woke up this morning with an extra pep in my step and a lot to be excited about. I’m having brunch with our city liaisons.

Last week I emailed them both about a possible breakfast reservation at a popular and famous hotel in Belgrade. They suggested a different location for brunch at a 5-star hotel, Square Nine. Even better, they offered to join me! We’ve been wanting to get together and now we had the perfect opportunity.

I arrived to the hotel first and was blown away when I walked in. It was like walking into your friend’s den. Being welcomed into someone’s home. The staff greeted me warmly and it was the decor I fell in love with. Leather chairs, comfy sofas, globes, books, magazines, and art surrounded me and I wanted to stay forever. Nothing was stuffy. There were even pieces which were perfectly imperfect. One of the globes was illuminated to show the cracks and it was exactly what made it so beautiful. On another I found my home in Georgia. I didn’t wish to go back. Instead I wished my daughter were here.

Soon after the liaisons would arrive and we would enjoy brunch in the open courtyard. Stunning greenery and a beautiful sunny day, wonderfully lit up the area. It would take me to another realm. Some place almost magical yet full of life’s simple pleasures and immaculate details. A world where actual silverware exists and people use it even for breakfast. Where you order a coffee and you are given decadent options. A place where you order a meal and get to eat at the buffet as well. What they are providing you is abundance. Not as a luxury but as your new normal.

I do love luxury. I appreciate it very much. Maybe I notice and appreciate it more than most because I know the difference. The art of being not only able to provide but to serve and present things in such a way the recipient willingly receives. Square Nine prepared this place for their guests and I appreciated them thinking of me before ever knowing I would step foot in the door.

During my conversations with the liaisons I would learn how the furniture was hand selected. The painstaking time it took to put the finishing touches on everything I see and don’t see today. Even the ladies room was something to behold. It felt more like a spa and the soaps and lotions were Hermes. They didn’t merely make a room most don’t want to spend too much time in functional, they redefined it.

Brunch was supposed to be about the amazing food, and it was amazing. What I received was so much more. All this with two of the most incredible people you could ever meet. People you know make you better simply for having met them.

We shared about work, life, and my love of Belgrade. I told them how I compare each city I’ve visited to a man. They asked what type of man I saw Belgrade as. I explained while I don’t read romance novels I have read at least two. Belgrade is the diamond in the rough. He is the lead character of the love story. A man you think you know from the outside, but don’t at all. He’s the man who forces you to open up and forget everything you once knew about men. He’s the guy who makes you forget the reason you said you would never get married. He’s the One.

After what seemed like mere minutes two hours had gone by and it was time to get to work. They also arranged for me to see a local dentist. Nothing feels wrong with my teeth but it’s been over six months since they’ve been cleaned. I was strangely looking forward to this appointment. Given my history with the dentist I can’t say I’ve ever looked forward to an appointment.

I’m not sure what is worse, having the most amazing morning and hearing bad news or having a whatever morning and getting bad news. Somehow I forgot how dental visits go for me. Being reminded of all the dental work I need and how I have the teeth of an 80 year old is hard on me. Even in Belgrade, where the streets still have signs of war, the office is located in a rundown building because most buildings are rundown, my teeth still make a dentist shake his head.

He tells me how bad my teeth are. How the dental work needs to be replaced. He asked me if I knew. I told him I did. Dental work is good for about 20 years. I started having major dental work at a very early age. Even before my real teeth came in. In my late teens and early 20s I had more serious dental work. It’s been 20 years now and most of it needs to be replaced. As with most things, when you need to replace something it’s never that simple. What I need to have replaced my teeth will no longer support. Basically, I need implants for most of my bottom teeth. The scary part about implants is that my body rejects just about everything. I’m afraid to have implants. I left in tears.

Only a few hours earlier I was having the most amazing brunch in a luxury hotel. Now I’m reminded of a facade, my teeth, which will have to be taken care of. Back in the States insurance won’t cover any of it. Of all the things to spend money on, the profits I’ve worked so hard to make will be spent on dental work. I’m thankful to have it, but frustrated because it feels like I’ll never get truly ahead. Underneath the facade of hair, makeup, and lipgloss, I’m still the little Mexican girl with silver teeth.

Back to the workspace I go to get in the rest of my appointments. No siesta today with how the appointments got scheduled. The dentist came in at the last minute and I don’t like rescheduling with people because I didn’t make the proper arrangements.

I found myself working alone and in between calls I hung my head and cried. I longed to be on a picnic blanket enjoying sunset with Luke. As if he somehow knew what I was thinking he messaged me the most beautiful photos of a sunset from the Italian coast because he knows I love them and yet so rarely see them. I began to sob.

I have so much to do. I’m hiring VAs like crazy to do what I don’t have time for but a lot is on me right now. I’m tired of thinking about it. It’s not officially even Q4 yet and I have to start on my 2018 goals. Time goes by quickly and I can’t stop now. I thought about what would happen if I quit. I asked myself if I would be okay not hitting my goals next year. I wouldn’t.

There are few things I’ve wanted more in life. I’m about to celebrate three years in business in a few months. Which means I’m coming up on my Olympic year. I can’t quit. I see gold in my sites. I’m close and I know it.

The most painful part of labor is right before you give birth. These business goals cannot be birthed without some pain. I won’t give up. I won’t quit. I almost wish now someone would tell me “I’m the the most forgettable person” he’s ever met again. Or for someone to tell me it can’t be done. That’s who’d be my competition and I wouldn’t look back when I passed them up. Runners don’t look back. All they see is what’s in front of them. The finish line.

Soon no one will be in front of me. I’m already going over the heads of those who don’t want to partner with me. Fine. You don’t want to work together. I remove you from the equation and go straight to the source. I’m that good. Like today, I got the co-author of New York Times bestseller to agree to interview with me for my book.

I thought remote work consulting would start later, as in 2019. However, I’m already getting started and I was featured as one of 12 experts in an article which came out today. So take that! I wouldn’t even bother to drop the mic on these people. Either you can jump on my train or I will run you over. Putting all this into perspective forced me to stop crying and get back to work.

Considering all the time I didn’t work today, leaving the workspace at midnight didn’t seem late at all. On the way home it almost felt early and when I heard music coming from a restaurant I decided to go in. Of course as soon as I ordered a cocktail the music ended. Again another lesson. I’ll have to make my own music.

My end of day gratitude:

  1. Enjoying an amazing brunch with incredible people.
  2. Having teeth that still provide the facade I need.
  3. Hitting new growth areas in my business.

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