I Want To Leave Prague. Now.
June 10 — Last night I got about two hours of sleep. Not surprisingly since my clothes were semi wet and I slept with my shoes on. My eyes are burning. My entire body aches. No doubt because I was tense and clenching all night.
I want to leave Prague. I want to leave now. The question is, how long before I want to stay again? I wish I had someone to make me feel safe. Keep watch while I sleep. I wish I felt safe on my own right now. I wish I had someone to rescue me. Not literally but from my fears. Someone to tell me everything is going to be okay. Someone who I would actually believe. I don’t.
I told three people outside of the group what happened. I didn’t dare tell my family. No point in having them worried and freaked out. I couldn’t do that to them. It will be bad enough when they read this 30 days from now.
One person told me to be calm. Another thought it was funny. The last person thought it was probably my fault. I had choice words with each of them. When they learned how upset and afraid I was they changed their tone. Why did I have to? Are men really that insensitive and stupid? I refuse to put all men in that category. My dad, my brother, and my son would never have said such things. Their very first response would have been to ask me how I was. On what planet are these other people on?
I’ve missed my old roommate and she’s living in the building right across the street. I made us coffee and then we met in front of the apartments for a quick chat. The chat turned into two hours. There was so much to catch up on. The saddest of which is it’s for sure, she’s leaving after Berlin. I know she told me in Barcelona but she hadn’t talked with We Roam yet so I was still hopeful.
Talking with her definitely helped my spirits. I even laughed on multiple occasions. I can’t believe the person I’ve become the closest with won’t be traveling with us anymore in a few short weeks. It was one thing when I hadn’t met anyone. To meet someone like her and then have it taken away seems more painful even though I know it’s not.
I wouldn’t change having her for three months to not having her at all. In fact, I’ll have her for a lifetime. The last six months will go by fast and I’ll be able to visit her in the States.
After talking with her for so long I felt like I was ready to be okay again. Then the group of guys came out, one dressed in a horrible outfit, and things changed again. I thought I was fine but when I heard the voices my heart began to race. I’m not okay.
My end of day gratitude:
- Having such a wonderful friend to talk to.
- Having my own French press.
- It’s Saturday so I don’t have to concentrate on work. I can rest.