
It Felt Good To Share A Bad Day Together
June 28 —A rainy day in Prague is appropriate for how I’m feeling. I had my online class today plus my coaching call this evening. Pretty normal schedule. Too bad it’s on the night of our Prague farewell party.
After my last call it was 10pm and I decided to go out on the shared patio space. There I saw another Roamer. We’ve hung out on this patio several times together. I was excited to have some company. Then she told me she probably wasn’t the best company because it was a rough day. Immediately I began to cry and said I wasn’t good company either. Turns out we were perfect company for one another.
It is hard for me to share bad days and sad feelings with people in person. I’m sure it’s also the reason I also write them here. This is me pouring my heart out and sending it out into a void. I don’t know who might be reading this and we’ve probably never met so although the information is sometimes personal it doesn’t feel like it.
Who knows when I stopped telling people when I was sad or having a bad day. It might have been in high school when I felt so misunderstood and invalidated for not always being super upbeat. Sharing my issues, sadness, bad days, and general frustrations makes me feel like a burden. The ironic thing is I’m a really good person to be around when others are sad.
In every life there is always a time. I love these verses from Ecclesiastes 3 New International Version (NIV)
A Time for Everything
1 There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens:
2 a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
3 a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
4 a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
5 a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
6 a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
7 a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
8 a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace.
Of all the times, I feel the closest to those weeping and mourning. Not in a bad way. These are common times for others not to know what to say and be uncomfortable. They want to help and take the pain away from their friend or loved one who is hurting. You can’t. No one gets to skip the process. The ones who bury it now will be digging it up in therapy later.
Certainly I’m no therapist and never have I spoken magic words. What I bring is someone who can sit with you in silence, bring food, listen without speaking and send love. All the things I ever wanted. Wanted but never allowed.
When I need people the most I isolate myself because I don’t want to be seen in that state. Most of the time I can put on a great facade. I’m not a good liar so I learned to fake how I’m doing so no one asks the questions I don’t want to answer.
Tonight this all changed. It’s been a long time coming. Traveling with this group I feel no need to have to fake anything or put on a facade. They’ve seen me drunk and for me that’s pretty much the worst so a few tears won’t kill me.
We went from silent tears to laughter and had a real conversation. It was exactly what I needed and felt better than I could have imagined. I don’t remember the last time I spoke to someone in an actual moment of pain who wasn’t a contributing source. I was vulnerable and still felt safe. I wasn’t concerned about being judged and I didn’t play the scenario over in mind of all the things I should or shouldn’t have said afterwards.
Making friends isn’t easy for me and now I realize it’s because I only share the good times or bad times, not both. That isn’t how friendships are formed. There must be a give and take. Frustrations to get off your chest. Times of vulnerability to build trust. Celebrations to share. You have to be all in.
When I went in for the night I was no longer thinking of sad things, I thought of what might come of this friendship in the future. Entering the patio I was on the verge of tears and then I did cry. Opening the door to my apartment I was smiling. Nothing in my life that I wanted to change did. They say time heals all wounds. I would say it’s how you spend your time which heals them.
My end of day of gratitude:
- Having someone to share with.
- Realizing who I need to be to have deeper friendships.
- Being able to be an ear for someone else.

