It Was A Hard Mother’s Day

Melissa Smith
My Year As A “Roamer”

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May 14 — Today was hard. It was hard for so much more than I could’ve have imagined. My perspective’s were challenged. Seeing things differently is always hard. However, feeling the pain is harder. Especially when you’ve caused it.

It’s a running day. I thought I would wake up super early and go running then treat myself to breakfast before the wine tour. I thought wrong. I couldn’t pull myself out of bed this morning. I was too sad. I’m missing my mom, my daughter, my sister, my sister-in-law and it’s my sister’s anniversary. May is like December for me with all the events and amount of money I spend. I did manage to pull myself out of bed. Not sure it was worth it.

My run was awful. I thought of every Mother’s Day I wasn’t thinking of my own mother and rather of myself. The pain I must have caused her. Being as close to a saint as a person can get, my mother has never brought anything up and or tried to make me feel bad. She had every right. It’s not as if I ever forgot Mother’s Day. However, I did unload my frustrations on her too many times to count. Like I said, May is like December so I get “holiday stress” a lot. In fact, I get it more in May than December. I feel really good in December and almost always stress free.

To make myself feel better I thought about going out to breakfast. French toast is a traditional Mother’s Day treat in my family. When I looked at the clock and how much time I had to get ready I knew it wasn’t possible. I hung my head to cry again. Thank goodness I signed up for this wine tour today!

I’ve been searching for another wine tour experience. I long to have something like I did in Argentina. The cost was about 200 Euros. Not cheap. Since I already took part in a luxury item event this month (the Disfrutar Michelin Star lunch) I had to pass. Our resident party planning Roamer found this wine tour and it’s only 70 Euros so I had to take it. Plus, I knew if I didn’t have plans on Mother’s Day I would be sitting around crying all day.

My Mother’s Day breakfast ended up being a coffee and blueberry muffin at the worst place you could imagine in Barcelona. What was sad is it’s right in the heart of a tourist area so someone could think this is how Barcelona is, and it’s just the opposite. The waiter was not only terrible but rude. The bathroom was super unclean and shocking compared to the city. I did get my first “Happy Mother’s Day” though.

Turns out a lot of people on this trip don’t feel the same way about Mother’s Day as I do. I honestly have to say I wasn’t prepared for it. I’m prepared for those who don’t celebrate Father’s Day. My dad was an extremely rare individual, father, and person. When most dad’s were leaving and missing their weekend visits my dad was raising us.

My mother is also a rare person. Unlike many of the horror stories you see in movies and television about stereotypical mothers, my mom never criticizes me. She doesn’t tell me how to do things or point out all my imperfections. My mother doesn’t yell or nag. If anything she is passive aggressive which is comical in our family since my dad was only aggressive. She would need to step up her game 1,000 notches before anyone noticed her passiveness let alone “aggression”. I think the biggest difference is I could never be mad at my mother. No one can. You’d clearly be wrong if you were and everyone would know it.

Hearing stories about other moms it hit home. They are plenty of moms out there who aren’t bad at all, but have demanded so much that Mother’s Day isn’t special anymore. I wonder if I’ve done this with my children? Have I taken the specialness that is Mother’s Day and turned it into something that is a requirement? So much to think about. Thank goodness it’s over wine. Too bad it’s not enough wine.

The saying is, “You get what you pay for.” It was certainly true today. I’m not sorry. I just wish it was better and more authentic. I wish it was more personalized. This is why I don’t like tours. I don’t like how impersonal they are. Today was less about the wine and more about spending the day with Roamers. Not alone.

When we arrived back at the dorms we decided to continue with a wine tasting of our own. We joked it was the most sober you could be on a wine tour. It wasn’t an exaggeration to say we could have driven ourselves home. Then as we continued our Mother’s Day conversation I got a bit upset.

In the end I put my foot down when one of the Roamers crossed my “line” of Mother’s Day. He asked why there has to be such a day. He should be able to choose what day and how often he can celebrate his mother. For some reason this didn’t sit right with me. Looking back it was because I was upset with myself. My words weren’t for him. They were for me. My self-righteousness was also every shortcoming I have. He was a mirror to myself and I didn’t like what I saw. I left and went downstairs to call my mother.

It was great to speak with my mom. I was the final child to call her today so the loop was complete. I don’t have internet on my phone yet so I haven’t had my phone on me all day. Now that I’m back at the dorms I see the messages coming through for me and it was exciting. Also, very special. One of the Roamers messaged me a genuinely sincere note. It wasn’t an afterthought. It was and is so special to me.

My end of day gratitude:

  1. A mother so worthy of her own day.
  2. Speaking with my mom and wishing her the most heartfelt Mother’s Day with my newfound perspective.
  3. The blessing of motherhood.

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Melissa Smith
My Year As A “Roamer”

World traveler. Virtual Assistant Matchmaker. Remote Work Consultant. Entrepreneur. Bestselling Author. Mother. Sister. Daughter. Human. Everybody is somebody.