Seeing Little Feet Reminds Me Of All There Is To Smile About

December 27 — Arriving at my brother’s home is always such a treat. The rush of little children so excited to see you is awesome. Who doesn’t love to be greeted with excitement? My sister-in-law is doing everything she can to love those kids and do anything in her power to ensure they grow up to be the best people they can be. I know she loves my brother and always has his best interest at heart. All this makes me smile.

My baby brother, who is now 39, no longer seems like my little brother. Each time we see each other he has grown into more of a man. Something I refused to acknowledge for many years.

I think it has something to do with fatherhood. Watching him play with dolls, cook dinner, take the kids to swim lessons, bath time, story time, and bedtime all remind me of our dad and how great he was. My dad would be so proud of him. The man he has become. He wouldn’t be surprised though.

Looking from the outside in reminds me of the days when I had little feet running around the house. On the door to the garage was a school Christmas art project. Mistletoe made from little feet. I wanted to kiss them. At the same time it made me want to cry. I usually only see the kids once a year. The next time I see the kids they will have grown so much.

The last two years I’ve had the privilege of spending a week with them. Having the opportunity to see them day in and day out. From the moment they wake up to the time they go to bed is so awesome. I get to soak them all in. What is even better, is that I get to do it with my brother and sister-in-law. I watch like a proud parent, rather than sibling, as they parent their children.

I think of my children and sadly all I can remember is everything I’ve done wrong. Every time I yelled or lost my patience. Each time I hurt their feelings or crushed their spirit. Then there are all the times that I did or said something that hurt them I don’t even know about. The past cannot be changed.

So I call to let them know, for the millionth time, I’m sorry. I share my latest revelation of being empty and dry and the ways they can be different from me. I promise to help them and change behaviors so they don’t go through the needless pain and suffering as I did.

Their feet may not be little anymore but they still follow me to see what I’m doing. They are adults now but they will always be my babies. I’m still learning and growing and so are they.

Right now I’m ready to find out where my little feet will take me next. Compared to this great big world my feet seem so small.

My end of day gratitude:

  1. For children that love me so unconditionally.
  2. For hugs and love from my niece and nephew.
  3. For my brother and sister-in-law that always spoil me when I come to visit.

Check out my reason for making this trip here.

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