Why Is It Wrong To Want To Be In Love?

April 17 — Have you ever woken up in the morning and just knew something? Maybe you went to bed thinking about it. Maybe it was an issue at work or you finally remembered where you left something you’ve been searching for. Whatever it is you just know. That’s how I woke up this morning. My #1 desire is to be in love. Why is that so wrong?

When people ask about your goals and you tell them you want to be in love they get a very puzzling look on their face. If you phrase it differently and say you want to be married or have children somehow it becomes more acceptable. Or if I were to say I wanted to make seven figures, own fancy cars, and have a beach house people would think it was great for going big. However, when you tell someone your goal is to be in love they usually ask why.

Well, why not? It’s natural to want to share your life with someone. Really share. There is no promise of everyday being awesome, worry, pain, or argument free. What you do have is the freedom to be yourself and know you’re loved. Someone intensely loves who you are.

The kind of love where you still get butterflies. When the other person can make you feel so special by smiling at you. To be taken care of when you’re not feeling well. The hug at the end of a long day. Someone who wants you to succeed as much as you want it. A person in your corner to cheer you on and believe in you when you forget to believe in yourself. The kind of love where you want to be with that person more than anyone else. Together you are both better.

What about all the other goals make them matter more? Especially the monetary ones. What I want is priceless. Why can’t I be applauded for wanting it all and being smart to know what “all” is?

Instead I’m met with statements like, You don’t need a man. Strong women aren’t afraid to be by themselves. A man doesn’t complete you. Ummm, duh. I never said any of those things. Does it appear that I’m sitting around waiting to be rescued? Is there something about me that appears weak? Am I not providing for myself and my family? Do you see me dating jerks or people who are a waste of my time because I’m afraid to be alone? (The answer to all those questions is “no”.)

Not everyone wants to be in love and that’s okay. What’s no okay is for someone else to judge what I want. I don’t go around judging women who don’t want to have children, want to be single, or date a lot.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s because people don’t believe it exists. If I changed what I want to only imply love, like saying I want to be married, plenty of people would tell me I will be. Oh well, I know I’m not wrong and that’s all that matters. One day I’ll sit on a bench and have the love of my life sit next to me. We’ll talk. We’ll laugh. We’ll read. We will be in love.

While no one may be in love with me now the nice man at work certainly takes care of me. He brings me mint tea to see me smile. He watches out for me. He protects me. After so much missing my father last month this month it is like I have a dad again. He has a way of serving that makes you feel special. I appreciate him so much.

Tonight when I was leaving extra late from the workspace I didn’t see him. I was trying to find him to let him know the building was empty now. When I left the fenced area and walked out I looked to my right, there he was. He was watching to make sure I was okay and motioned so I knew he was watching over me. I was safe. He wasn’t going to let anything bad happen to me.

Daily Careem fail: The car I ordered was taking forever. He stopped moving and wasn’t answering any texts. There were no other cars available so I had to wait for him. We’re in an industrial area so the chance of a taxi coming by is zero. Finally he arrived and when the house manager asked him what took so long he replied his phone died. Ummm, you’re in the car. Charge it. It took an hour to get home today and 45 minutes of that was waiting for the driver to arrive.

My end of day gratitude:

  1. An amazing house manager.
  2. More inquiries coming in from the Sunday paper.
  3. Migraine gone.

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