Being a cool millennial

Youth. A concept as old as time. And time is, well, pretty old. As a young person in my late 30’s, I will always relish my youthfulness. Being young is all about living your life, boldly and without apology. Well, unless your boldness means you say something politically incorrect, because then you have to apologize. I don’t make the rules, I’m just part of the Millennial generation. I know this, because noted young people institution Goldman Sachs told me I am.

As a experienced millennial who is also young and not experiencing backpain at all, I have to say I love my generation. Millennials are awesome! We’re the selfie generation, a term I picked up from America’s favorite crypt keeper, Bill Maher. We love living fast and loud, just like those videos on the MTV. Sometimes I turn up the volume on my TV because I can’t hear it too well. That’s right: I’m living loud!!

Millennials love being nostalgic. We encourage a cycle of reboots and remakes, because Point Break wasn’t cool enough when white Patrick Swayze played a man named Bodhi. Full House wasn’t that funny when it was on, but man do we love remembering that it existed! I could spend the rest of my days, just listening to Jimmy Fallon vaguely recollect the 90’s! Originality is for squares, let’s remake Wayne’s World! We love reliving almost anything from our childhood, because it reminds us of a time when we weren’t left with a crippling amount of debt. Rock on, Garth!

You know what else millennials love? Not owning things! Owning money, houses, and personal items is such a baby-boomer concept. Us millennials love living on couches in the basement of your father’s house! It’s such a cool, new age idea that rejects consumerism. In fact, I’m such a millennial that I’ve been sleeping on the couch for weeks! Take that, old people!

You know what millennials love? Shameless pandering! We love it when old people try to be cool like us. Hillary did something called the nae nae! I’ve heard of that! Man, she’s cool. I can’t even listen to Republican energy policy unless a hipster explains it to me. Remember when Doc Brown rode in that sick ass Delorean?!

Millennials also love doing drugs! Being a cool millennial, sometimes I’ll take 2 pills of arthritis medication, because I live dangerously. Did I do that?!? I remember Urkel too!

I’d talk some more about being a cool millennial, but my arthritis is really flaring up! Catch you later, young people!

🌟🌟🌟🌟/🌟🌟🌟🌟