The Ghost Horse Whisperer, a script I just wrote
Every once in a while, a screenplay comes around and changes a generation. Star Wars. Shawshank Redemption. Air Bud: Spikes Back. Those movies lived and died on their scripts. But what is next? Do you think those shitty Marvel movies had stellar scripts? No, those cookie cutter pieces of crap don’t speak for me and they sure as hell don’t speak for you. But I think I might have found the next big thing.
Meet The Ghost Horse Whisperer.
I know what you’re thinking. “Mr. Dad Reviews, don’t you mean The Horse Whisperer?” Or “Mr. Dad Reviews, did you mean to say The Ghost Whisperer?” No, idiot, I didn’t mean that, stop trying be my human Google. I’m talking about the Ghost Horse Whisperer, a 12 year old girl with an inquisitive attitude and a perm that can be seen from outer space. Just take a look at this shit:
We open in on a radioactive horse factory. That’s right, FDR blasted those horses with nuclear rays because he wanted to be able to ride again. That’s what I call character motivation. It’s just like ride or die, except the “die” part was due to polio related reasons independent of the riding. And this little girl, Elise, she gets kicked in the face by a radioactive horse and suddenly, she can speak to ghost horses roaming the earth. If that isn’t a backstory, then I don’t know what is. And I’m confident that this is a backstory, because I edited the Wikipedia page for “backstory” and no one has changed it yet.
And guess what happens: Elise goes to purgatory and meets a gay horse. And that’s not all: this gay horse is a Jewish gay horse. That’s right Modern Family, I see your modern gay parents and raise you a gay, Hasidic stallion. And I’m not joking around with this shit, because this is the kind of touching dialogue that wins you 7 Emmys.
And remember those montages from Rocky? I do. So I threw a couple of montages in there to spice it up, because why the hell not? I’m talking Rocky I.V. type montages, the ones that shatter Cold War tensions and make you piss apple pie.
And to top it all off, I got to write a scene where a 12 year old girl in a horse costumes performs in a dressage competition set to my favorite song. That’s right, this is the song that was a staple of my wedding DJ career: “Pump up the Jams” by Techtronic.
And it all ends with a heartfelt speech. This script has everything: scifi, history, radioactive horses, race relations, montages, and perms. So many perms. This is 20 pages of unadulterated genius that is built for the 18–49 demographic.
This show is going to capture the zeitgeist in a way that Entourage could have only dreamed. Get at me, production companies, because I’m ready to make you millions of dollars with one radioactive horse and a dream.
🌟🌟🌟🌟/🌟🌟🌟🌟
