How compatible are you and your partner, based on your Myers-Briggs type?
By Gabrielle Savoie
If you’ve ever attended a work retreat or met with a career counselor in high school, chances are you already know your MBTI personality type. Myers-Briggs questionnaires are often associated with team-development days and come up in chats with friends and family, but the personality types have been cropping up in another unexpected place: dating apps. It goes a little something like this:
“Mike, 42, Lawyer, INTJ, loves pizza.”
Is MBTI type an indication of compatibility? Let’s explore.
The roots of MBTI type
The Myers-Briggs personalities are rooted in a scientific theory by psychoanalyst Carl Jung. The MBTI framework features 16 different types and they’re used to identify a person’s personality.
Beyond being helpful in the workplace (an estimated 80% of Fortune 500 companies use the assessment), they’re helpful in home life too. Knowing your loved one’s personality type helps navigate conflicts in relationships because you understand them better.
Dr. Rachel Cubas-Wilkinson, Senior Consultant at The Myers-Briggs Company, says, “The main thing people should know that will help them in relationships is which preferences they have in common with their partner, which they don’t, and where that might cause issues.” She adds, “And the differences between Thinking (T) and Feeling (F), which show how we make decisions, may be the biggest indication of compatibility.”
If you didn’t know, MBTI personality types are made of four letters — for example, ESTP. The first letter is E or I, then S or N, then T or F, then J or P. Read on to see what they mean and how you and your partner’s compatibility checks out (or not).
Thinking and Feeling (T–F): Making decisions
Thinking (T): People who have this preference tend to make decisions based on pros and cons. They weigh logical consequences from an objective point of view.
Feeling (F): The letter F indicates someone who has a Feeling preference. These people tend to make decisions based on their values. They look at how decisions align with those values as well as how they might affect other people.
Compatibility: Having the same third letter will likely have the biggest effect on compatibility because you make decisions in a similar way. However, there are also shared blind spots that can be missed if two people have the same preference.
People with different preferences for T and F may come into conflict more because they make decisions based on different criteria and processes, but, as a couple, they’ll also have fewer blind spots. This may not feel as important when people just begin dating, but as the relationship gets more serious and making decisions together becomes more important, the Thinking and Feeling preferences play a large role in how two people understand each other.
Sensing and Intuition (S–N): Taking in information
Sensing (S): People with S in their MBTI type tend to process things in a structured, ordered way and observe and remember specific information. They tend to focus on the facts and what can be felt by their five senses. They can also be more drawn to small details and past events.
Intuition (N): People with a preference for Intuition generally use themes and the big picture to take in information. They make connections, enjoy then theoretical or abstract, and are often future focused.
Compatibility: The second letter in people’s MBTI type, (S or N), potentially has the second largest effect on compatibility. People with a preference for Intuition can offer valuable fresh perspectives in relationships with Sensing types, while Sensing types can offer realism and practicality to those with Intuition preferences.
Those in mixed Sensing/Intuition relationships have an opportunity to tune in their type awareness skills and enrich each other’s worlds, but it can be difficult especially in social contexts where one preference dominates.
The common danger is that couples can create problems where they don’t really exist. Instead of acknowledging that the other has “a different way of approaching the problem”, one person loses patience and adopts a “this-is-wrong” attitude (or, worse, a “you-are-wrong” attitude). When right and wrong are introduced, the other person often becomes defensive and new perspectives get shut down.
Extraversion and Introversion (E–I): Directing energy
Extraversion (E): People who have this personality preference are energized by the outer world of people and things. They generally share their ideas verbally and recharge by being around other people. They may also prefer and seek out greater levels of interaction.
Introversion (I): People with this personality preference are energized by their inner world. In contrast to people with preferences for Extraversion, Introversion types use their energy interacting with people and things. They gain energy by spending time alone and in their heads. They usually prefer to go through all their ideas and then share them out loud.
Compatibility: No-one is completely extraverted or completely introverted, everyone uses both preferences throughout the day. It’s just that one way feels much more natural. With regards to Extraversion and Introversion differences in a couple, you should be aware of how each person may require different ways of using and replenishing their energy.
Judging and Perceiving (J–P): Approach to life
Judging (J): People who have a preference for Judging tend to approach life in a more structured way. They may be the list-makers and planners. They prefer to have a plan and schedule their time and will generally space out projects, so they get work done a bit at a time.
Perceiving (P): People with this preference tend to want flexibility in their lives and in how their time is managed. They would rather be open to new opportunities for events. They can enjoy working on things at the last minute or on their own schedule.
Compatibility: The last letters, Judging and Perceiving (J and P) are similar to E and I in that they can bring balance to the relationship. They can also cause strife as partners approach life very differently.
Ultimately, self-awareness is key to compatibility in a relationship. After that, recognizing and appreciating differences can help couples maximize their partnership’s strengths as well as be aware of blind spots.
It’s useful to remember, though, that personality is extremely complex. People are more than their four MBTI type preferences. But having a common language to understand differences and talk about them is an indispensable contributor to a long relationship.
