Coming back to myself
MFF Jan 23 2019
Today I sang. What does this matter? I sing every day. That is just part of me. It’s how I connect to and soothe myself. Because of certain stressful things that happened in November. Being re-traumatized, ending up sick, struggling to get back into life after that. Finding out a friend had died. I have not sung in close to 2 months. That is the duration of this depression. This snag in the thread that unraveled for a time until I could sit and lick my wounds. Isolate and recharge and give myself all the love that I needed.
I didn’t go seek a Doctor after the first attempt to ask for Ativan which I was denied. I don’t want to institutionalize what I was going through. I was going through life. I was betrayed by a friend in the biggest way possible to me. I lost another friend to his battle with cancer. I am grieving and I’m sad and upset and anxious and all of this is normal. It is normal to have feelings. It is normal to cry and be upset. But too often we feel we should just bounce back. This shouldn’t hook us up.
For sure if this lasted months into years, yes a Doctor might be necessary. But right now I just need to be kind to myself. I believe that if I truly process this, I will move on and bounce back. I’ve been there and done it before that I know and trust there is another side now. I don’t think I’m 100% over all the things that happened. But today shows me I am on the right path. If I take a step back and am kind and loving to what I need. There is a light at the end.
