Doubt…I Loathe You

I remember my mom talking to me as a boy about doubt. She said that no matter how good things are going or how great you feel there was always a dark cloud out there that was going to bring unhappiness. It was inevitable according to my mom. I know that she believed it. But this isn’t about her doubt, it is about mine. I never forgot when she told me this. Doubt became the dark specter that lived around the corner. My mom, I believe, felt like she was passing on a great truth to me. However, it felt more like a curse. This is why I loathe you Doubt.

Doubt became the uninvited guest to many of the things I did or places I visited. It is still with me to this day. I know that a modicum of doubt can be helpful, but it has been sitting in the front seat and it refuses to get out. I need to say this as loud as possible, Doubt, you need to go. You don’t help me. You distract me. You prevent me from seeing the challenges that are coming. You only make them bigger and worse. I despise you Doubt.

I am going to dedicate myself to get as far away from you so that my life can have a balance between the good and the bad. I know that you won’t go away easily, and I’m sure that you cannot disappear completely because a healthy amount of doubt is good for certain things. But I can’t live with you literally strangling me with the fear that comes with doubt. I fucking hate you Doubt.