Easter 2018
It was like last Easter, it started with a text from you in the morning asking me what you should wear and I said that you should just wear that pretty white dress you wore last year. You suggested that I should wear that shirt you got for my birthday last year because I loved it and it was the perfect color, I agreed and wore it. We looked great together.
The day was great. It was filled with laughter, good food, and good company and it was even better than last year.
So here’s where it starts to get sad. None of this happened.
None of this happened because we aren’t together anymore and it’s all my fault. Instead of spending the day with you, I spent it with my family. It was still a nice brunch. I ended up wearing the shirt you got me becuase I felt like if I did that it would make up for you not being there. It made me feel like a small part of you was there.
I think back to when we were together and if I had done something different would you be sittting next to me this Easter? I think about all of the opportunities I lost out on and all the times I missed out on seeing you smile or laugh with me.
I was even hesitant to text you and say “Happy Easter” because I didn’t want to come across as weird or make it seem like I was trying to get you back. I didn’t text you because I figured it was just easier that way and I was okay with that. To me it was easier to just skip past and avert an awkward converstion.
While I was eating brunch I couldn’t help but think that something was missing and that something was you. It wasn’t just you in a physical sense but more of an emotional sense. My mind wondered to the thought of you countless times throughout the day. I had wondered many times what you were thinking and what you were doing. Were you thinking of last Easter when we were together? Or were you too busy for me to even pop into your mind for a brief moment? I had a dream about you the other night that we were on a beach and you were covered in sand. Slowly, I lifted you up out of the sand and uncovered your beautiful face. I realized after I woke up that I might not get the chance to see your beautiful face again, at least in person, and that scared the crap out of me.
I am scared that I won’t get to hold or touch you again. These thoughts haunt me everyday. I just hope that you still think of me.
