I’d Say All These Things To You
Or not
There have been moments between us,
They sometimes linger,
No — they haunt.
I’d never dreamt of saying whatever my heart feels — these words —
Because I know you can’t take my sincerity,
You just can’t.
What would be your response to:
I can’t stop thinking of you,
The way you smell,
The comfort of your arms,
The feeling that I’m meant to hold your hand.
Even if I am with someone else,
I can’t help comparing or imagining you around,
Or this unreasonable and untimely jealousy that,
Sometimes eats me up,
That I need to resist thinking of it — you.
I would even go on to say that,
For me , it has been you
And only you
I’ve tried being with someone else,
But my gut and heart resist against my logic,
I’ve tried, so very hard,
Excruciatingly enough to move on,
To ignore that your presence means not everything,
Or our moments of conflict won’t stop me from being happy.
However, all I can think of is you.
I’ve heard you aren’t good enough for me,
Nowhere close,
You are not something that I seek
I don’t feel possessive of you,
But I want to protect you against the evil in the world.
Sometimes I don’t even make a sense to myself
But most of all, what I want to tell you,
Is that I like you,
The kind of like that makes you restless and drives you crazy — slowly,
The kind of like that doesn’t diminish overtime,
The kind of like that makes it sometimes harder to breathe,
Harder to stay away.
The kind of like that burns deep within me,
That makes me want to seek you in my life and keep you there,
With no expectations,
Just there.
I’d also want to say that,
I am tired of liking you,
Tired of fighting it,
Tired of accepting it,
I am exhausted that my mood depends so much on you!
I’d further reiterate that you talking about someone else —
It doesn’t make me happy,
Jealous and unhappy? Sure!
I wish I was your option, the only one,
As you are mine,
That I trusted you enough
To not be distracted with a new eye catching toy.
But here’s the thing.
If I said all that to you,
I am pliable,
I am vulnerable,
There is nothing left to guard and
That freaks me out,
And then you’d make a game of it — I assume —
And that damage will be more painful.
So now that you’ve heard it all,
I am guessing, you are going to say goodbye;
Like you always were,
Like it was meant to me.
