I’ve been pretty quiet of late and for good reason…I’ve been freaking the fuck out! A week ago after 2.5 days worth of driving I landed in Portland, Oregon. This is the first time in my life that I’ve lived outside of the Land of Oz. I left my ruby red slippers back in Kansas and am betting on myself to make this all work. A week in and I’m still struggling to find housing due to my own circumstances and spent my first night, *gulp*, homeless last night. I can’t even tell you how many times in the last week I have battled with packing up and going back to Kansas, but what would I be going back too? Honestly just more of the same old nothing and excuses. The fear of the unknown and uncertainty of everything around me has me anxious as fuck about every decision I make, but the upside is I feel more alive and in the moment than I have in years because of the risks. The last time I felt this alive I jumped out of an airplane. I have literally no idea how this is all going to turn out. I found work to pay the bills for now and I have been getting bites on employment as a web developer which is so huge for my fragile little ego right now. I’m beginning to actually not be so scared anymore and just say fuck it and roll with the punches. I keep telling myself over and over again I am a developer, I have the skills, and I’m more than ready to cut my teeth on production code bases. You can’t keep a good dog down, right!
Betting on me is how I keep moving forward now, no more thinking about it or mulling it over just straight up doing the shit (even the shitty shit).