MFF
MFF(My Fucking Feelings)
A couple of weeks ago, I witnessed a mother cat traumatically give birth to kittens. Not all of them made it. I say witness because I’m not even sure I helped. I froze at the moment, then did as I was instructed to, but I’m not sure I was incredibly helpful. I mostly tried not to think too hard at what was happening and go through the motions of what was needed to try to give these little guys a chance at life.
I also want to talk about it because this is my experience but also, if we don’t talk about that we which feel and go through, we don’t process them.
I tried to not think too hard on it all, to temporarily remove it from my mind. I needed to go about my day and keep moving and do the things I needed to do and tend so many other cats. Though later, it is something I needed to take time and sit with.
It is not easy. It’s easier to run from the shitty feelings and society for sure would like to pretend as everything should always be good feelings. But only through feeling them and integrating with them can we move on.
I’m so grateful we were able to save the kitties we do, but I’m also sad about the ones that don’t make it. If we hadn’t been there, none of those kittens would have made it. It’s also okay with being sad for the ones that don’t and giving that space. Sometimes I need to be gentle with myself and realize it is emotionally stressful and that it’s okay. I know I will get through it.
