You will never truly know someone
Parents/close family members can be an exception, because we are born into their lives with a level of love already inked through our bloodstream. When it comes to friends and romantic relationships though? You just have to learn to love getting lost in them. This is not easy. It’s one of the hardest things to come to terms with in this world, especially if you’re a fixer like I am. Especially if you try to offer the best of yourself to most individuals in hopes that they will do the same. Now I haven’t done the best job living up to that reputation recently, but that’s what recovery is for, so that I am able to once again live by the ideas I was raised with.
We as a species create ideas about people we care about based solely on stories we’ve already heard. Whether these stories are through books, movies, or spoken word of friends and family. We’re all guilty of it. We never truly know a person because nobody is capable of giving literally every single thing they’re made of up for consumption. The good news is that’s okay. It’s part of being human, the bad news is it can be difficult dealing with this reality when it’s offered up the hard way. It can shatter our entire belief system in people. It’s an unavoidable consequence that will happen to the average guy or gal over and over again throughout their lives.
Human connection is at times the biggest oxymoron. You think you know somebody, through years or less you give all you can to them to establish a bond, something happens. The bond is broken, as is your faith in all humanity, but that is also okay. It’s naive to have faith in humanity anyways. Full disclaimer this isn’t me being a stick up my ass pessimist, been there and done that, this is my belief based on the things I’ve gone through and put people through. It’s terrifying at times to realize that even the most predictable individual can surprise you in a brutal way. That possibility is almost always there, but what I try to do is focus on how interesting this can be. Sure depending on the situation it can leave you mentally sore for a long time, but once the dust has cleared it’s an opportunity to grow. To be more true to yourself and attempt to do the same to others. It can also be an ironic relief when someone chooses to show you just how weak that emotional bond was in the first place. This just happened to me today with someone whose bond with me I believed was unbreakable, thus here I am learning the hard way again, having to once again pick bits of glass from that bond out of my face and watch the scars form.
At least now with that situation it won’t be eating away at me anymore every single day. There’s no more questions that I want answered, the ones that are still up in the air will likely never be answered anyway. Whatever thoughts and ideas are in our head about each other are irrelevant now. I now believe they have been for a while but of course I chose to be stubborn, believe in more, thus finding out the hard way that there is nothing left. Maybe there wasn’t much there to begin with, maybe it was just what we convinced ourselves of.
