Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales
Beyond the Edge of the Map…and Reason
At various points during its production, there were rumors that Dead Men Tell No Tales was intended to be the finale to the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise. As loyal to the series as I am, I was still encouraged by that news.
As enjoyable as the ongoing adventures of my favorite cinematic buccaneers may be, there can also be an immense satisfaction to be harvested from a satisfying and cathartic conclusion. Regrettably, Dead Men Tell No Tales, while a decently enjoyable ride, offers neither a sense of finality nor a satisfying exploration of characters that were once the envy of blockbuster filmmaking.
The fifth entry in the franchise finds Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) drunkenly adrift in mediocrity. Once the most legendary pirate in the Spanish Main, Jack has lost the respect of his crew along with his fabled ship The Black Pearl. The chance to reclaim his glory is offered when young Henry Turner (Brenton Thwaites), son of Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) and Elizabeth Swann (Keira Knightley), enlists Jack’s help to find the trident of Poseidon.
Naturally, Jack doesn’t come along just to help the offspring of old friends. Rather, it is in his best interest to find the trident, as a ghost ship piloted by the vengeful Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) is roaming the seas in search of Sparrow.
Always the First Mate, Never the Captain
The film is a noticeable step up from the immensely disappointing On Stranger Tides, which sacrificed any nuance in character interaction and interest in an engaging plot to allow Depp to play the bumbling fool for two hours. Filmed during a troubling time in the actor’s personal life, Depp’s performance in this film has not improved much since that last outing.
An attempt is made to weave the characters’ personal interests into the plot, with each seeking the trident for their own gain. The interweaving plot falls short of the precise and perfect tapestry of the first film (or even the ambitious scope and mythology of its two sequels) but the attempt is appreciated.
The action sequences of Dead Men Tell No Tales are satisfactorily handled. An extravagant bank robbery and an escape from a dual execution left a grin on my face and elicited a few good laughs. A flair for lively visuals helps keep these set pieces vibrant and entertaining, and I must admit it’s about time this series showed us some zombie sharks.
A Capable Crew Wasted
Performances, once the high-point of the franchise, are a mixed bag this time around. Geoffrey Rush returns as scoundrel pirate captain Barbossa, doing an impressive job with the sub-par material, especially when tackling an unnecessary story twist.
Newcomer Carina Smyth (Kaya Scodelario) brings a surprising amount of charisma to an underwritten character. Her weak motivation to help the crew on the hunt for the trident is trumped by her intelligence and bravery, making her a decent substitute for Elizabeth.
Henry is somewhat a disappointment as the classically heroic rebel stand-in, and Thwaites is unable to break free of the constricting writing that affords his character no chance to stand out. Bardem is, of course, threatening and chilling as the ghostly Salazar, but, despite lip service paid to the contrary, he rarely registers as a threat to the pirates’ way of life.
Missing the Mark
The thread through all of this is a sub-par screenplay that offers enough of what we might find interesting or exciting in this universe, but doesn’t push those elements to wholly invest us in it.
Attempts are made to pander to fan service with cameos from the original cast (along with some rock and roll royalty), but these moments do not rouse or inspire. Much like this summer’s remake of Beauty and the Beast, they just make you wish you were watching the older movies instead.
I’ve always admired the Pirates franchise for its insistence on creating new mythology and supernatural history that seemed perfectly at home in the world of the films. Dead Men Tell No Tales refers to those mythologies, but manages to contradict them whilst failing to make the new rules exhibit any rationality or consistency. This is likely to upset only diehard fans who have invested significant time and energy in the made up history of this cinematic universe, but, being one of them, I find it lazy and uninspiring.
The final element I found upsetting was how close Dead Men Tell No Tales comes to offering satisfying catharsis for characters I love. At the outset, the idea of a washed-up Jack Sparrow in search of his former glory seems an inspired turn that will offer the character a return to form. This dilemma, coupled with an upsettingly vague segment displaying Jack’s first captaining commission as a boy, seemed poised to offer great insight into the character.
Sadly, the writing and Depp’s performance mainly only give us “The Johnny Depp Show” as Jack once again bumbles his way through inconsequential plot twists and out of place segments designed for cheap laughs. But with the lively set pieces and Sparrow sharing some of the story’s focus with Henry, Carina, Barbossa, and Salazar, it is mercifully more bearable than the one-man show that was On Stranger Tides.
Walk the Plank or Be Marooned
I predict that Dead Men Tell No Tales will only be abhorrent to those who have obsessed with the franchise and the intricate relationships between its key characters and dense mythology. Where so much of the plot makes no sense, it is at least an enjoyable adventure film that can rely on its supernatural elements to wash its hands of rational consistency.
Being one who has been engrossed with the universe since The Curse of the Black Pearl was released, I found Dead Men Tell No Tales disappointing and only competently constructed. Without so many loose ends that were only one or two rewrites away from being satisfying and logical, this could have been a return to form for the franchise, but is instead an entry that treads water while raking in the box office. After over a decade of loyalty to the series, I’m beginning to consider mutiny.
2 ½ stars.
