Unsolicited Advice on Giving Advice
When was the last time you gave someone advice? Had they actually asked for advice?
One of my favorite things to do while volunteering at my local pregnancy center is to talk and pray with the women who use our services. At first, I felt a strong pressure to have the perfect thing to say and give them my advice. Thankfully, I quickly realized that was not needed. The following three things are what I’ve learned to do instead.
Listen
Listen to empathize, rather than trying to think of the perfect thing to say next. Take the time to truly understand the situation, and how the person is feeling about it. Have they even asked for advice, or are they simply in need of a sympathetic ear? When someone is going through a tough situation, talking or writing it out helps them work through their thoughts. Think of yourself as the page in a journal — paper doesn’t talk back or try to fix things. Showing someone they are seen and heard is often more than enough.
Pray
Actually pray, don’t offer the typical, “I’ll pray for you,” then promptly forget your promise. Pray then and there, before you say anything else. Invite the Holy Spirit to reveal Himself wherever and to whomever He needs to in the situation. We can’t fix anyone’s problems anyway, only God can do that. We only need to move out of the way and give Him the space to work.
Speak
My best piece of advice is not to speak unless you’ve done the first two steps. Even then, if God has not put anything on your heart to say, do not feel bad about not saying anything. Trust that God will give you the words He wants you say when they are needed. If you do feel the Spirit’s urge to give encouragement or advice, follow His leading. Saying too little can be just as unhelpful as saying too much.
The Spirit of the Lord God is upon me,
Because the Lord has anointed me
To bring good news to the afflicted;
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to captives
And freedom to prisoners. Isaiah 61:1 NASB1995
