No room for sexists as the Urban Indian looks for trust: Dating Survey Findings
Will you date a person who lacks a sense of humour over someone who talks too much? Oh, is that an easy choice to make? Well then what about choosing between a person who can be verbally abusive and a person with poor hygiene? Perhaps it’s subjective, and while data shows more people would go for verbally abusive over poor hygiene, we think both those people are likely to miss out on dating.
These are just some of the revelations from a survey we conducted in our attempt to understand the urban Indian youth and their preferences and predisposition towards dating and relationships in the short and long term.
We asked people to select what factors would be absolute deal-breakers for them when it came to dating someone and here’s what we found out.
Someone being “physically abusive” was the top deal-breaker in the short-term with 78.43% people opting for it. What was interesting to see was that “verbally abusive” (56.86%) was not as major an issue as “poor hygiene” (70.59%) for the respondents who also seemed unperturbed by the other person’s eating or drinking habits. Only 3.92% said dating a “non-vegetarian” was a no-no while 9.8% said someone who “drinks” wouldn’t work for them.
1. Physically abusive 78.43%
2. Currently dating multiple partners 74.51%
3. Racist/Sexist/Bigot 72.55%
4. Poor hygiene 70.59%
5. Has health issues like STDs 66.67%
6. Is already in a relationship 62.75%
7. Is verbally abusive 56.86%
8. Sexually incompatible 45.1%
9. Lacks a sense of humour 43.14%
10. Is unattractive 31.37%
1. Tastes in music/movies 3.92%
2. Academically inferior to you 3.92%
3. Is non-vegetarian 3.92%
4. Drinks 9.8%
5. Too outdoorsy/indoorsy 13.73%
While this data points towards a rather liberal mindset, it also tends to suggest that when thinking of short-term relationships, the urban Indian dater is ignorant of eating or drinking habits but these answers change a bit when asked about long-term relationships. Nevertheless, a not-so-rigid attitude and openness are always a good sign.
Deal-breakers in the long-term
Not so surprisingly, “untrustworthy” (93.62%) tops the list of deal-breakers for people in the long-term. And perhaps it is an indication of the maturing urban Indian mindset that people want to stay away from “racist/bigots” even in the long-term with 85.11% identifying this as a deal-breaker that’s on par with the idea of “dating multiple partners” (85.11%).
However, from 3.92% people not wanting to date “non-vegetarians” in the short-term, that figure jumps to 6.38% in the long-term. Even “drinking” is seen as more of a problem in the long-term with 65.96% people picking it as a deal-breaker. And it may come as a surprise to people who don’t talk much that “too quite” (27.66%) is a deal-breaker for more people than “talks too much” (12.77%).
1. Is untrustworthy 93.62%
2. Racist/Bigot 85.11%
3. Dating multiple partners 85.11%
4. Is inattentive/uncaring 78.72%
5. Has health issues like STDs 76.6%
6. Sexual incompatibility 74.47%
7. Drinking 65.96%
8. Lack of financial responsibility 65.96%
9. Has anger issues 61.7%
10. Lacks a sense of humour 59.57%
1. Non-vegetarian 6.38%
2. Talks too much 12.77%
3. Too indoorsy/outdoorsy 21.28%
4. Too quite 27.66%
5. Lazy 31.91%
Relationships tend to have a character of their own, one that they borrow from the people involved. Clearly, while trust needs to be a constant, there are also other variables that can come in. But there’s no set equation to define relationships and while mathematics may still be far from helping us predict the strength of a relationship, we now know that there are certain factors that carry more weight than others when it comes to deal-breakers in a relationship.
Caste being shown the door?
A key takeaway from the survey, especially in the context of caste and religion, was that though we’d intentionally skipped giving people the choice of saying “from the same caste” or “not someone from another religion” in the survey, we only got queries from two people asking us if we’d missed putting those factors in. Apparently, and happily so, these factors didn’t seem to matter so much to the other 191 people who took the survey, in part or in full.
We also asked people to rank a few questions in terms of how important they are to them when thinking of long-term relationships and the results were interesting to say the least. While the top two most important questions were, ‘Do you believe in the institution of marriage?” and “Do you have a fear of commitment?” they were followed in importance by the desire to know “how ambitious” the other person is and “how close the person is to their parents?” What did not seem to matter so much though was if the other person was a night-person or a morning-person or if they danced alone or not.
Quite pragmatic then, won’t you say, is the urban Indian in their approach to dating in the long-term? Perhaps mature as well with set priorities about what they want and what matters most to them, like what matters to so many others in relationships: trust.
Survey details: 193 people participated in the Dating Shating survey, in part or in full during the period July-September using Zoho surveys. The average age of the respondent was 26.
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