Yes or No? (Hint: It Doesn’t Really Matter)
While researching this article, I typed “sex on the first date” into Google Search. Apart from the first two results, the rest focused on men’s opinions. Shocker, right?
What Guys REALLY Think About Sex on The First Date
100 Men on “Would You Date Someone Who Slept With You on the First Date”
Seriously, who made men the authorities on when women should have sex? I mean, surveying 100 men would’ve taken some effort — and here I am, worrying about getting even ten respondents for my Masters dissertation! Maybe put all that time and effort into asking questions that really matter?!
Okay, rant over.
When I was asked to write on whether sex on the first date was a good idea, my first reaction was “why would it be a bad one? As long as there’s consent both ways, go for it!”
But I also realise it isn’t that simple, though it definitely should be. Growing up being taught our worth lies between our legs, it’s been drilled into us that sex is a “gift” only for your husband (LOL), or that you should have sex only if you really, really like someone.
Interestingly, I went on a (first) date today itself (talk about commitment to my writing, eh?) and it was bloody awesome. He was incredibly smart, a lot of fun, and seemed like he was into me (though I can never really be certain…sigh). It also involved Chinese food — the surest way to my…heart (!).
When it got to a point where I felt things might go somewhere, I found myself worrying. I wanted something to happen. I really did. But I had a mini meltdown- while the feminist in my head told me to go for it, another part of my couldn’t help but think about whether it’s okay to kiss a guy I’ve just met, let alone have sex with him.
(Seriously, dating with a feminist consciousness can be such a struggle.)
While I got over my apprehensions about kissing him rather quick (it also helped that he was pretty damn good), I didn’t have sex with him. Sitting here writing this, I’m wondering why the hell not.
I guess all the years of advice (screw you, Cosmopolitan) about “making him wait”, “not giving it up too soon”(what the hell is “it” anyway? It’s not like you’re handing the guy your vagina) got to me- and unfortunately, it’s perhaps going to take me a while to get that shit out of my head. But I’m definitely going to try to unlearn these idiotic “lessons”.
Yes, you should have sex if you really, really like someone. But you could also have sex if you don’t really, really like someone (of course, consent is key). Maybe you just want to get laid. It doesn’t matter if you just met the guy (or girl). Your worth and personality don’t lie in your genitals.
So if the date (whether the first or the tenth) was fun, if you find him attractive, and you both want it, (use protection) and just go for it.
About the author: Shamolie Oberoi is a student of Women’s Studies, a patriarchy smasher and rajma chawal lover. Apart from writing, her hobbies include consuming fizzy drinks and watching sitcoms. While she guest blogs for MYOLO, you can find her personal blog here.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. This is one honest take, but we are certain there are others too. And while we believe sex, relationships and dating are personal (subjective) issues, one thing that cannot be stressed enough on is the need for consent, because no means no.