Welcome to our finding focus series. Each month we will focus on a topic to help us be more fulfilled, happier and grateful.
positivity
/pɒzɪˈtɪvɪti/
Learn to pronounce
noun
- 1.the practice of being or tendency to be positive or optimistic in attitude.
“pupils draw power from the positivity of their teachers”
I have recently been spending a lot of time reading about the Stoics in an effort to get a better understanding of their outlook on the world and how to embody their philosophies. And so for this month’s Finding Focus I wanted to look a positivity through the lens of the Stoics and more specifically toxic positivity.
Toxic Positivity
I think social media has forced upon us a view of the world that filters out some of life’s hardships whilst promoting a type of positivity that brings up feelings of sadness as we compare ourselves to the unachievable.
Psychologist, Jamie Long PsyD of thepsychologygroup.com defines toxic positivity as:
‘The excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations.’
This could be Instagram’s tag line. With most of us now growing up in these environments, this view of the world is becoming the norm rather than the outlier. So how can we change our perspective?
The Stoic View
Ancient history houses an alternative view within the teachings of Epictetus. Like with a lot of Stoic teachings, the wisdom lies in reframing the way we think about and view positivity. We have been conditioned to be outcome-focused, and as a result, we worry about everything that can stop us from achieving that outcome.
Epictetus tells us to think about these situations in terms of what you can and can’t control. As explained by Prof William B. Irvine in his 2008 book ‘A Guide to the Good Life: The Ancient Art of Stoic Joy.’ Epictetus believed that positive outcomes in life are not what we should be striving for. To reach goals is not the reward — it’s the process of working towards these goals that defines us and makes us stronger.
Control, some control, no control
Work on the things you have definite control over. How you respond to a situation, when you wake up in the morning and whether you go on that run.
Understand the sometimes you have some control. If I wanted to lose 5kg tomorrow it isn’t going to happen but if you want to do it over 3 months you can make the decisions today the put you in the best possible place to achieve that.
The unfortunate truth is that in some situations you have no control. Someone got a promotion too early. It is raining for the next week. Or maybe you have lost a loved one.
What to take away?
Focus on the process. Understand that some things are wrong but figure out what you can learn from these situations and remember that sometimes, the outcome wouldn’t have changed.
Don’t suppress negative emotion rather acknowledge them. Every day doesn’t have to be sunshine and rainbows every day.
Personally, I think that once I wrapped my head around that I should work tirelessly on what I can control and let go of what is out of reach, I felt a sense of freedom that I had not previously experienced.
Keep going,
Jack
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