The Epiphany That Broke Through My Need To People Please
The problem was my own outlook
For most of my life, I’ve had an unrelenting and oppressive need to anticipate and meet people’s expectations. I know where this pattern started.
Growing up, I was a parentified child. There was no space for me to exist in my world. There were constant demands to meet the needs of the grown-ups around me and disturbing consequences if I did not.
My healthy self-involvement was labeled as selfish.
I developed a belief that my survival depended on the approval of others. As that belief grew with me, so did the oppression of a constant preoccupation with my words and actions vis-a-vis others.
My outlook was also distorted by being raised in an insular religious community that dictated the minutia of believers’ lives.
Women were meant to follow the rules of the authorities and their husbands. By the time I extricated myself from this community, my self-esteem had been clobbered and I had a lack of understanding of secular social norms.
As I began to build my life, I was afraid to not be the submissive woman I was taught to be.
Being self-protective and confident made me very anxious.
I slowly began to work on my own sense of stability and esteem and realized that I deserved to put myself first- and by doing that I would end up in spaces with others who respected me.
My breakthrough moment came when I realized my need for approval from others was a way for me to avoid myself. It occurred to me that if others were happy and impressed with my work, ideas or contributions, I could bypass the need for me to dig deep into my heart and soul and define my life’s passions and purpose.
Subconsciously, approval from others meant more to me than my own approval-a hallmark of surviving versus thriving.
Taking control of my own journey means developing my own set of beliefs about myself and the world. It also means taking responsibility for my choices and internal dialogues.
It can be much simpler to use the approval of others as a barometer of success, despite its oppressive nature.
Stepping into a space where I affirm my own needs and desires requires courage, endurance, and faith.
The notion that my life can beautifully skyrocket into a reality that reflects my true nature is exciting-but the unknown can sometimes be unsettling.
Letting go of the need for approval has uplifted me. Letting go of the feelings and ideas that no longer serve me is empowering. With letting go comes letting in strength to face me authentically and with care.
