Why You Need Not Explain
Sometimes, it helps to stay quiet, gather knowledge, or stand your ground
I’m a kid, about 12, and somebody upsets me. I explain myself to them. I tell them how they hurt me. But describing my feelings deepens my pain. My heart races and a small volcano erupts in my chest, sending hot lava through my veins. Salty tears cascade down my cheeks.
The outcome? The individual is unimpressed by my explanation and couldn’t care less. I feel wretched. The situation doesn’t improve, and I’m left with raw emotional wounds.
I love this quote by Stephen R. Covey:
“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”
Covey’s words tell us something important about healthy, enlightened communication. They suggest aiming to understand others should come before trying to get people to know what we’re all about and how we feel. It’s a simple notion. However, the earlier in life we comprehend its value, the sooner positive, heart-based communication gets.
As a kid, I spent too long trying to get others to understand me and not long enough trying to understand them. My behavior was natural, though. It’s human nature to want to be understood and helpful when people understand us. Nonetheless, when we put comprehending where they are coming from at…
