Break Up With Your Boyfriend, Because Cuffing Season Is Over
By: Hunter Soll
I’d like to preface this article by saying that, although it seems like my love life is 100% together and that I know what the hell I am doing, based on the fact that I am about to drop some premium romantic knowledge on all of you, I, in fact, don’t. So don’t think I’m the second coming of Cupid, because I’m not. Tomorrow is March 20th, which is officially the first day of Spring, but no one cares about that! March 20th marks the official end of cuffing season.
For those of you who don’t know what cuffing season is (and if you don’t, where, the f*ck have you been?!), here’s your quick history lesson. The term first appeared in Urban Dictionary in 2011, defined as, “a time during Fall and Winter when people who would normally rather be single or promiscuous find themselves (along with the rest of the world) desiring to be ‘cuffed’ or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed.” In this definition, “cuffed” or “cuffing” refers to being “handcuffed” to another person. This makes complete and total sense to me because the thought of being in a committed relationship is the same as being locked up, away from the rest of the world.
This winter was long and horrible, but now? The birds are chirping, body parts are being waxed and shaved, and it’s time to kick your cuffing season bae to the curb.
After all, if you’re reading this article, you’re probably like me. Becoming a cold-hearted, boss-ass bitch wasn’t really what I planned to do with my life, but here I am about to tell of you how to get the hell out of your relationship so that you can play the field. Breaking up is typically hard to do (I’ve made a few boys cry in my day — but who hasn’t?), but keep reading on, and you can break out of those cuffs once and for all.
Being Honest is a Great Start.
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from any break-up, it’s that honesty is actually the best policy. Let’s face it, we all know the reason why you’re ending things, and so, make sure that you repeat after me when breaking up with bae: “It’s not me, it’s you”.
Don’t Ghost
Ghosting someone is way too easy, and seems super appealing, but don’t be that person who ghosts someone that they were fucking for 3 months. It’s just not cool, period point blank. Even I’m not that much of an asshole.
Don’t Block Them On Social Media
Dating in the digital age has completely changed the game. Deleting someone off all forms of social media is the same seriousness of cementing your break-up as changing your Facebook status was back in the day. Don’t delete/block your ex for the main reason that you want them to see your greatness and how hot you look in every single Instagram and Snapchat story that you post. I once had an ex-boyfriend delete me off every form of social media, and then re-add me on Snapchat for that 2 am “U Up?” Snap. EVERY. SINGLE. WEEKEND. (I don’t know why I felt the need to mention this, but it had to be included).
End it With A Bang
Last but not least, end it with a very good bang! Most relationships require closure to move on, but this one is a step above that. Breakup sex is always similar to makeup sex, being that whole “it’s not good for you” bullshit. But it feels so right. You could remember your last time together as being filled with fighting and bad vibes…or you could look back and think about how great that final time was. Your choice.
Now that you’re officially back on the market, go out and celebrate. After all, it’s always best to be single in the summer. And with that… happy dating!!
May the odds be ever in your favor.
