How Mindfulness Gave Me My Life Back During Chemo
As an otherwise healthy young adult, my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma diagnosis came as surprise this summer. Turns out eating kale after a night of binge drinking really didn’t do me any wonders after all. I was sitting in the walk-in clinic as my doctor told me broke the news. I instantly sprang into mindfulness meditation as if by instinct, noticing my rising heartbeat and quickening breath. I noticed the weight of my body on my seat as my doctor said “It is what it is.”
The chemo soon followed. On the bright side, the hospital wing that administered the chemo was extremely aesthetic — wood paneled walls, high-tech, staffed with tremendously kind nurses offering teas and candies. Chemo delivery varies by patient. For me, it almost always administered via an IV infusion over 4 hours. I walked into the chemo suite with a high spirit, clutching my laptop and studying material for my calculus summer course. As the chemo started, I was overwhelmed by nausea and tiredness from the Benadryll. I put the studying material aside, as I told myself “It is what it is.”
Constant nausea was one of the few steady constants that hung over me for the rest of the summer. As school started, my spirits lifted. I was able to see my friends again! Brunches, parties, the works. The workload also increased dramatically — from a single summer course to 4 fall courses all during chemo. Exam services were nice to accommodate 50% more time for all assessments to compensate for chemo-brain — an impairment of memory. I went to my doctor as I researched how to deal with chemo-brain and noticed a market drug Modafinil that could help my memory. She told me the medical literature on Modafinil has mixed results and that I will just have to deal with chemo brain without mediation at least until I’m done chemo: “It is what it is.”
A few months pass and I’ve been getting really into running. I set a personal record of 3 miles in under 30 minutes, wow. I start thinking I can run a marathon next year if I keep up this progress. I ring the chemo gong, signalling my last chemo. I am cancer free, or so I think. The final scan results come out. Turns out there a lot of active cells left. I tell myself, “It is what it is.”
As the chemo-brain became more pronounced, I decided to up my mindfulness meditation session from one 10-minute session every day to two 20-minute sessions: once in the A.M. and once before bed. The effects were immediate — the following day I noticed I could sustain my focus longer on tasks. Inspired, I researched further into what other tools could help me. Exercise, turns out, brings tremendous benefit — cardio, in particular. Regular exercise over a year has been shown to increase hippocampal volume by 1% in healthy adults. The hippocampus is in charge of memory, so this could definitely offset my chemo brain. Finally, I am feeling empowered.
