These 5 Thoughts Lead To Guilt
Every man is guilty of all the good he didn’t do — Voltaire
The sky, so azure, so blue. So patient, so humble, so cerulean. So blue and so unimaginably calm that it makes one disregard the tension, the rush, the hustle, the bustle, and all the thousands of endeavors in life. One glance at the vastness of the sky is enough to let go of the complexities of life.
Although, at times, to our utter despair, the sky becomes so violent, chaotic, and wild. It disrupts all the peace and tranquility in the blink of an eye. It makes us feel helpless, weak, vulnerable. The roaring of the thunders’ enough to make our minds run wild. Memories come rushing at us. Also, not all thoughts make us feel safe. The raindrops bring with them all sorts of crazy memories. Memories that make us gloomy, unhappy, miserable. Some memories, make us remember all the things we could have achieved. Some remind us of all the unfinished tasks on our todo list. Which in turn leads to guilt. Self-guilt, to be particular.
I gaze at the sky through the window as I ponder over the idea of self-loathing, and of guilt. It goes by many names, but in essence, all lead to the same state of mind. Self-guilt, self-blame, self-loathing, whatever one may call it, rarely do people speak up to themselves and address this extremely persistent aspect of life. But, if it feels like self-guilt has cast its dark shadows over your life, let me assure you, you are not alone.
According to a study, it has been found out that if one adds up all the moments of feeling even mildly or moderately guilty, it sums up to an astonishing amount of time. On an average, we spend around 5 hours per week immersed in feeling guilty. That is a mind boggling 260 hours a year.
Simply put, we can not deny the “weight” of guilt in our life, can we? But how much do we know about its nature? And how much does psychology know about it? Well, it turns out, a lot. A simple search on a search engine can produce a behemoth amount of data concerning this crucial part of human emotion.
No matter who you are, what you do, where you live, what you believe or what your personality is, you might be very familiar with, guilt. But if you are a robot-from-the-future, time-traveling back a few million years, learning to comprehend the complexities of human emotions, and learning to manipulate those emotions, then you are reading the right article. But if you are a normal human being, and you want to learn about guilt and how your thoughts lead to it, then too, you are reading the right article. It is a matter of irony, though, that the definition of guilt varies from person to person. But I happen to have just the perfect definition of “Guilt”,
Guilt is a feeling of emotional distress that signals a person when his actions or inactions have caused or might cause harm to another person — physical, emotional, or otherwise. As guilt typically occurs in brief signals, the rather significant role it plays in our daily lives is often underestimated.
No one is free from guilt. Are you free from self-guilt? Chances are you are not. A study reveals that a great share of the population suffers from self-guilt. But the worst part is that they are not even aware of it. Many a time, a person’s activities are not solely responsible for self-guilt, rather it is their thoughts that lead to it. In his book, As a Man Thinketh, writer James Allen writes,
A man is literally what he thinks, his character being the complete sum of all his thoughts.
Here I am going to jot down five ordinary thoughts that lead to guilt, depression, and frustration. If one can get rid of these five thoughts from his day to day life, then guilt can rarely touch him.
1. He Is Better Than I Am
“Don’t compare yourself with anyone in this world… If you are doing so, you are insulting yourself.” — Bill Gates
If there is anything that is the root of all the unhappiness in the world, then it is the comparison of one to another. It leads to no good, but evil. That is the reason, Theodore Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” Comparing ourselves to others makes depressed, uneasy, and deadened about moving forward. It doesn’t help us in the least degree, yet harms us to the highest degree. At one point, we lose every hope we have. We forget our purpose. When we lose hope, we lose confidence. When we lose confidence, our minds don’t function anymore. Failure creeps in. Will Smith is right when he says, “Don’t compare yourself to others. That’s when you start to lose confidence in yourself.”
Comparison of one to another leads to jealousy, envy, doubt, suspicion and all other foul thoughts that lead to man’s doom. It’s true when people say that, the reason why we struggle with insecurity is that we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel. The famous inspirational speaker, writer, and famous author Iyanla Vanzant pose comparison as an act of violence by saying, “Comparison is an act of violence against the self.” At the end of the day, all the comparison leads to self-loathing and makes you feel like you are not achieving enough.
“A flower does not think of competing to the flower next to it. It just blooms.” — Zen Shin
2. I Can Do This Later
“Procrastination is like a credit card: It’s a lot of fun until you get the bill. ” — Christopher Parker
When you find yourself saying “I’ll do this later,” or “I’ll watch a movie, and then work on this,” then you are welcome to the procrastination land. That is a big word, by the way. Procrastination, by definition, means not being able to do what you want to do. It makes us feel like we are losing control of ourselves and our lives. It makes us feel hopeless, aimless, depressed. That makes us lead a life of low self-esteem.
As Benjamin Franklin says, “You may delay, but time will not, and lost time is never found again.”
Researches demonstrate the bridge between procrastination, hyper stress, poor health, worse mood, and depression.
But why does it make one feel guilty?
Procrastination is complex. It is not so easily understood. Of all the thoughts leading to guilt, procrastination is the least obvious one. Still, it’s the most devastating one. I love to call it a silent killer because it leads to both long-term and short-term depression and self-guilt. As expressed by Abraham Lincoln, “You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.” Guilt is but one aspect of the many consequences of procrastination.
“In delay there lies no plenty.”– William Shakespeare
Procrastination overpowers even the most focused and successful ones. Sadly, a person happily entertains himself in this act of delaying the most important. The great writer Charles Dickens famously expressed, “My advice is to never do tomorrow what you can do today. Procrastination is the thief of time.” You never really know when your time is getting sucked up, and all you know next is that your time is up, and you could not get anything done. Truly, getting started with anything is hard, and painful. As the famous polymath, Leonardo da Vinci once said,
“It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.”
3. I need to follow the hype
The truth is always more heroic than the hype — Jessica Lynch
Hype has its influence on everyone. But depending the effect of vibe on people, I tend to categorize them into three major types —
- The Over Hypers
- The Mild Hypers
- The Untouchables
The over hypers are the people who will follow the hype no matter what. Later on, they may or may not realize the cost of that, but nonetheless, it is the hype that matters to them. They can do anything to look cool. These are the people, about whom Rick Warren says — “Those who follow the hype get lost in it.”
Do you think the hype will show you the way? Or lead to success? Let me tell you, it won’t. Following the hype will only get you so far. You will keep looking for opportunities, and spend the rest of your life doing that, while suffering from depression, frustration, and anxiety. I believe, at some point or another, we have all been there. That is what I call mild hyping, as it is something almost everyone can relate to. Steven Cojocaru, therefore, said — “We all get swept up in the hype machine. Nobody is immune to that.”
The third type is those who I call the untouchables. Meaning that the hype will never touch them. While this is not absolutely true, many people are just indifferent to the hype. These are the people we care about. These are the people who become successful. And guilt never touches them. Never.
Actor, and comedian, Milton Berle, said — “If opportunity doesn’t knock, build a door.” Martial artist Dominick Cruz said, “I kill hype for a living”. We should not be the chasers of hype, rather makers of it.
“Create the hype but don’t believe it” — Simon Cowell
4. You Forget That It’s Your Life
“ A life lived unexplored is a life not worth living.” — Ross Perot
Often, due to pressure from others or just because things didn’t quite work out how we planned, we can find ourselves living a life that was not quite what we expected. This can happen. And we experience these signs most often when we are not living our own lives. Who else has a better word for this than Steve Jobs — “Your time is limited, so don’t live someone else’s life.”
Also, hype takes control over our lives. We do not even realize when we started living the hype. It is something that makes us forget our goal. The hype becomes our life. Nobody is immune to hype. We all get swept up in the hype machine. At one point, we lose focus. And that is when we are not living our lives anymore.
“We make a living by what we get but we make a life by what we give” — Winston Churchill
Also, the daily rush of our lives makes us forget the true meaning of life. We let go of our values, our bonds, our friends and thus, become a different person. It may not work out as expected, though. It is a dangerous psychological state to live a life. If you don’t take the time to really think about what you want from life, then you can never make it happen. When other people try to pressure us into taking certain actions, we can end up living a life that is not suited to us. But we need to follow our own dreams and not those of someone else.
“I wanted to say thanks… and share my gratitude for everything I’ve been blessed with. Family, friends, and continued support from everyone.” — Travis Barker
5. I Don’t Have To Plan Ahead
The key is not to prioritize what’s on the schedule, but to schedule your priorities. — Stephen Covey
The more depressed you are, the more unproductive you are. The more unproductive you are, the more guilty you feel. The more guilty you feel, the more depressed you become. It is a never-ending cycle. The only way to snap out of it is to become productive. And once you are depressed, the only way to become productive is to let go of your burdens, and feel lively once again. The results can be mesmerizing. According to writer and author Shawn Achor, “Happiness inspires productivity.”
We are all given the same hours in a day. we need to live them. If we do not, then it is our fault. Not someone else’s. Not utilizing the time available to us is a grave mistake. Because that leads to unproductivity. Which, as mentioned before, leads to the never-ending cycle of depression. That is the reason, time management is so important.
“Ordinary people merely think of spending time, great people think of using it.” — Arthur Schopenhauer
Therefore, if you have no idea about how you are going to spend your day today, then I urge you to think twice. There are only benefits to planning, there is no loss. And make sure that you include only the important things on your to-do list. Because, if you are not working on important things. you are wasting time. According to Stephen Hawking, “I have so much that I want to do. I hate wasting time.” Also, as writer Benjamin Franklin said, “If time be of all things the most precious, wasting time must be the greatest prodigality.”
“Focus on signal over noise. Don’t waste time on the stuff that doesn’t actually make things better.” — Elon Musk
The EndNote
Anger, self-pity, guilt, regret, even righteous judgement — all cancers of thought. They spread quickly, choking truth until the thinker is lost in an alternate reality.- Amy Larson
Human beings are but a summation of their thoughts. We have been gifted by God with a beautiful, sane mind. Why fill it with guilt, when we can choose not to? Why fill it with depression, when can choose not to? Is it not time that we choose to fill our minds with overpowering joy, happiness, and pleasure? Once you start exploring the many opportunities and options available to you, you will realize just how much potential life holds.
“At the end of the day you gotta feel some way. So why not feel unbeatable? Why not feel untouchable.” — Conor McGregor
Tl;DR: You are seriously hurting my feelings by not reading the whole story. You could at least skim through the key points. Nonetheless, since we are here, in this post, I tried to explore some of the causes of self guilt and how to cope with them. At some point or another, we need to go through these and then get over it.
