What is the meaning of life?
Too Long; Don’t Want to Read:
“Love, Peace, Dreams, Books, and some Fucking Spice”. — Anonymous Indian
Two of my dear friends passed away in a month. One took his life, and the other was in a fatal car accident. Both were deeply troubled souls while I knew them. I wasn’t in touch with them the last few months. Cause “life” happens I guess.
I’ll get to that later.
I’ve been crying for 3 days straight. It’s been painful, cathartic and beautiful. In that order, and back. And sometimes all 3 emotions at the same time. The only way I can capture it, is by writing it down. If I say it out loud, I sound like a mad man. Even to my self.
I thank you for taking the time to read this. It took me a long time to jot it down. I’ve been looking at that publish button, as often as I have looked at the delete button. And just like how I have gone back and forth, I encourage you to keep an open mind, while allowing it to shut off as well.
You will find a lot of words used by others as you read this. Words uttered by Geniuses. Stable and Unstable Geniuses. While I appreciate everything they have said. And am subconsciously voicing their thoughts. Thoughts will be there before me. Thoughts are happening right now. Thoughts will happen tomorrow.
The same thoughts. Because, everything we need to know, is inside us. We don’t know it yet. Because we haven’t looked for it yet. When you look for it and find it. You will realize it as the Truth.
You can be warned that fire is hot. But until you feel the heat, it is just a warning.
You can be warned not to jump too high. Until you fall hard, you will never understand gravity.
Zero.
I’ve been having a lot of thoughts that are connecting in a manner I can’t comprehend. Sometimes I went down memory lane, and then gazed into the future. The last 3 days have felt like 3 years. I may have dilated time, or even traveled it — I do not know.
But, what I do know is this — I learnt the most when I looked within myself. And it blew my mind. And that mind blowing is not stopping. It cannot stop. Once you know where to look, you can’t not look.
I suddenly understand the fundamentals of music, design, science, and hopefully writing as well.
I want to share this with people, because sharing knowledge is the burden of any generation. I did not understand what that meant a few days ago when I read it. But I do now.
The forbidden fruit of knowledge is vast. If I take too many bites too soon, I will choke. I need to spit it out to enjoy it again.
Keeping so much in one’s mind is not sustainable. It is too much light. It is flying too close to the Sun. I will get obliterated.
Curiosity kills the cat, as they say.
And something else to note — there needs to be opposing views for everything. So I challenge you, to challenge me. Question everything you are reading. Open your mind, and allow it to close.
If there is something that jumps out to you as bullshit. Call bullshit. Write me an email — hello@namaste.ai. Let’s collaborate on it.
This opposition. This back and forth. This dual nature. It exists in everything in the universe. This cycle or circle of life.
Leads to 0, or ∞. Or both.
One
You’ve heard the saying “It’s written in the stars”. And any number of variations of it depending on your culture. We’ve all stared at a beautiful, starry sky. Lost and wondering what’s out there.
Some call it soul searching. If you can take a second to stop reading, and do this, please do.
Continue to look for however long you please. If you’re still lost, read on.
You are looking in the wrong direction. Everything we need to know about the universe, is within us. It is in our DNA. The history of everything lives on as memory.
You can see this, when you are one with the Universe. Or you align with it.
You are the universe, and the universe is you.
Your Aatman*, is Brahman*. And Brahman, is your Aatman. Together, they become one.
Singularity. The Single. One.
(*In Sanskrit, Brahman means “universe”. And Aatman means “soul” or “Self”)
Since we all share the same DNA, everyone knows this. Not enough people understand it. Because they do not seek to understand it. They have no reason to.
Not yet at least.
For whatever reason, my quest for the why started from the time I was born into this Universe as a child. As is the case with all Humans. What we don’t realize though, is that we never grow up.
We are still asking child-like questions everyday. We keep ignoring these thoughts, cause we “have to adult”.
We suppress our emotions and thoughts. We say no to our inner child. And this creates a strong force within you. A force of darkness. Some refer to this as the pain-body. And this creates deep conflict within you. Which will one day come at you with such might, that you cannot stop it from transcending you.
Or breaking you.
In this tug of war with your self. The rope will snap.
That’s okay though. Everything is exactly how it’s supposed to be.
Two
This dual nature creates deep conflict. And we suffer because of it. But the beauty of conflict, is that it leads to a solution. It balances out in the end. And not complete balance. But somewhere close to it.
Perfection is a myth. There is beauty in imperfection. But to make a point, I will still refer to balance, as a dance.
To attain balance, is the dance of life. This is the purpose of all life. We have done it a billion times before, we will do it a billion times after. There is no beginning or end.
It just is.
As you can see, it’s hard to talk about the single, without mentioning the dual. Not dual as two end points in a spectrum. But the cyclic nature of going from one end to the other. Life comes in waves.
Inhale. Exhale.
Two becomes one. You become one. One with the Universe. The Universe becomes you. Or some variation of those words.
It mean’t nothing to me until now. I’ve heard or seen this all my life. How could it make sense? It’s so fucking confusing. It goes against the nature of how we are taught things.
But for now, consider this simple idea — We breathe in, we breathe out. Together, it is life.
Without inhalation it is death. Without exhalation, it is also death.
Why do we forget this every time we start a new life? Why do we have to learn this every single time? Why do I have to go through this endless cycle of life and death. And come to the same realizations over and over again. What the fuck is the point of it all?
Why didn’t we get a fucking memo with the birth certificate?
It is because we are not human beings having spiritual experiences. We are spiritual beings having human experiences. And by having these human experiences. We become closer to becoming one within the universe.
As spiritual beings, we want to spend time in the ocean of everything that is possible. We can lose ourselves in there forever. Because we are limitless. But as human beings, if we spend too much time in an ocean, we will drown.
Our human self is an anchor for our spiritual self. Not the other way around that some people think it is.
We must balance our thirst for enlightenment, with the finite moments of humanity.
Three
The circle of life is the spiral of life. A never ending spiral. Spiraling in, and spiraling out.
In Math speak, it is the Fibonacci sequence, Phi or the Golden Ratio. It makes up everything. If you add every number to the number before it, it can go on till infinity.
0,1,1,2,3,5,8….and so on.
When I look at the shape of our universe, I interpret it is two spirals in the shape of the golden ratio. Again, these two spirals represent all things dual. It is feminine and masculine. It is creation and destruction. It is day and night. It is light and darkness.
This golden ratio exists everywhere. From the shape of your face, to the size of the Phallus. It shapes the breast and the Yoni (Sanskrit: “source,” “womb,” or “vagina”).
It is everywhere around you as a beautiful, repeating, pattern. It exists in everything living and not. Look at this picture of a sun flower for a moment. It’s mesmerizing to look at, isn’t it?
And here’s a picture of something eastern religions call a Mandala. Equally mesmerizing.
What is a Mandala?
A mandala is a sacred geometric pattern that represents the golden ratio. It represents the universe. The tree of life. You would have seen this all around you. Especially if you are from the East. On bedsheets, on drawings, in logos, on t-shirts, and on Saris.
Or on some “hippies”, if you are from the west. The West was in deep conflict in the 60s, and looked to the East for balance. Counter culture.
You will find it all across South America, with the Aztecs and Incas. In Europe and Africa. In Australia and Asia. If you start to look, it is everywhere.
0 + 1 + 2 = 3.
Time — Now, Past, Future.
Let’s take a break from addition and understanding the last number. Three
My interpretation of the number 3 is Time.
The Past. The Now. The Future.
I want to talk about the Now. For now.
Why did I break down, and what shook the core of my being?
It was because of this realization — I have looked at a Mandala everyday of my life for over 15 years. Someone close to me, who is “gifted”, used to draw them every single day as a part of her healing process.
Every time I was shown the pattern of the day, I would look at it and not say much. It was colorful and mesmerizing. But I got tired of looking at it, and eventually went about my idea of “life”. Cause you know, life happens.
When all of life, was right in front of me the whole time. Unravelling. Everyday.
I put “gifted” in quotes because the word has lost weight in this context. The world labels magnificent souls they cannot comprehend as gifted. I want to remind you that they are gifted. The word gifted is not a Euphemism.
They have fucking superpowers. And like all powers, It is a gift and a curse. Even superman needed Louis Lane to keep him from going mad. While also allowing him to channel his super powers for the good. Batman is not Batman without Alfred.
I will address this at in depth at a later time, because I my self am trying to process how magnificent they are.
Taking a step back, this Mandala may also be the origin of “Rangoli”. Indian’s decorate the front of their house with colored, chalk, circular patterns on auspicious days. Or on all days if they’d like. I can’t be sure if this is true yet. I know I have never read about it anywhere. But it feels true when I say it.
This is a realization I had as I was typing it. And this is what I mean by everything you need to know, is inside you. And then outside of you. All around you. And once it starts flowing, there is so much clarity in sight and thought.
I did not know this, until I looked Inside. Now everything outside, is as beautiful as what is inside. Happiness is no longer a goal for me.
It simply, exists.
And so does sadness. But we will get to that in a bit.
The Past
I’ve had a rough life my self. I am sure it could have been worse. But growing up around my friends, I knew I was in a unique, fucked up situation.
This was relative to the Horizon I could see at that time.
I grew up with a middle class family, and a dysfunctional home. Addicts, my lack of understanding of the gifted, and being embarrassed to speak about it led to Insecurity and Rage. This traumatized my inner child, and haunted me till a few days back.
Today I can speak of them without embarrassment. In fact, I am excited to share my story.
I have to remind myself not to lose track of the other side. I laughed, experienced joy, and had loving family, I got an education that allows me to write this. I can read books and communicate. I can see and hear. I can smell and touch. I can feel. I can sense. I did not know that then. But I realized it now.
Life is fully lived forward, but best understood backwards.
I’ve dealt with suicidal personalities, financial pressures and entrepreneurial failures. I was lost after this. Relationships went south before and after. I’m reaching out everyone as we speak to tell them I’m sorry for hurting them.
(More on the power of saying you’re sorry to come soon)
My trials and tribulations are nothing unique, people go through this all the time, and sometimes even worse.
But again, in my relative horizon. As far as I could see, I had the worst fucking life ever.
Today, I am unfazed by anything thrown at me or manifested by me. My horizon has grown. I can see farther. My light shines brighter.
I handled these recent pains better than my childhood. Or I handled it all it better, because of my childhood. And now, in a span of one month, 2 people I was trying hard to understand passed away.
One was “Bipolar”, and took his life. I would talk to him until recently. But “life” happened, and I lost touch. I could see his mind spiraling out and in. Or both at the same time. He was trying to attain perfection.
The other died in a car accident. I saw a social media post of his after years, and wondered what he was up to in life. But now I cannot ask him.
The death’s themselves did not trouble me as much. I have been adopting a version of Solipsism as philosophy for a while now. It helped me put things in perspective, and not let things that I cannot control, affect me.
I said to my self — they left this universe, they are born in another one, and will reprise the dance of life all over again.
Solipsism helped.
It the view or theory that the self is all that can be known to exist. Not in a selfish way, but in a way where you think you are everyone, and everyone is you.
Or so I thought.
The Now.
Again, why? Why is this happening it me? Why now?
I was working on putting together furniture for my new apartment. I was laser focused, and immersed into the task at hand. Putting in screw after screw.In this process, I entered a deep meditative state without knowing or trying. My thoughts and emotions took over, and I was on auto-pilot. This sparked something.
My brain exploded. I was crying uncontrollably. I was shaking. It was a raging torrent going through me for how long, I can’t remember.
It was not news of death that brought about that torrent. It was all the bottled up emotions, that I never bothered to come to terms with. I broke down my pain-body. I broke down the false self. The identity that we build and cling on to. The fucking ego.
I swept so many things under the the rug for years. The rug was pulled from underneath me in that moment. because it could no longer contain the pile of shit underneath.
I had to face it all at once. It was a magnificent torrent. Wild with rage. Uncontrollable. It caused immense pain. It cut deep through every fiber of my being.
That pain turned to a void , and everything was still. Kind of like death.
The void turned into a flow, that I am trying to understand and control. Kind of like life.
I came to understand the thoughts better each time I cried over the next few days. I made love to them. I invoked negative feelings on purpose. I seeked pain beyond me. I wanted to feel the pain of the entire Universe, and I did.
It made me cry more. In that process, I let a lot of light in. And with that light coming in, I understood.
This was a Vipassana. Which means, “to see things as they really are”.
Everything you need to know, is within you.
Everything you need to know is around you.
You can learn from it from inside at times. Outside at times.
One feeds the other.
“I am everything. Everything is me”. How beautiful is that?
Or how narcissistic?
Also, the Now.
I am nothing, and nothing is me. How sad is that? Or how depressing?
One axiom cannot quite possible explain a concept that is dual, can it?
Is it the Chicken or the Egg that came first?
Is Srodinger’s cat dead or not?
To be, or not to be?
Is light a wave or a particle? Or is it both at the same time?
What is a sunny day, if every day is a sunny day?
What is light without darkness?
What is hot without cold?
What is life without death?
This is the thought pattern that drives people mad. This might be the reason for bi-polar “disorder”, I do not know. But I do know the human mind cannot sustain this endless back and forth at a very rapid pace.
Singularity at any time can turn into a Blackhole.
Happiness at any moment can turn to pain.
Everything is transient. Everything is ephemeral. Life happens in waves.
High tide. Low tide.
Duality is beautiful and scary.
At any given time in life, we need to switch between one paradigm of thinking, to the other. If we get too attached to one or the other. It will destroy us.
Getting too attached to anything, is the ego again. It is a sneaky mother fucker. In your quest for going towards one single truth of life, you feed the ego. Because you identify with that single truth.
Solipsm and Nihlism.
Life is not black and white. It is a spectrum with shades of grey inbetween
If we constantly jump from one shade to another too fast, we could lose our minds.
And this is why we shouldn’t lose sight of our human self. While not losing sight of the spiritual self at the same time. We have to dance between our perception of Self.
Aatman and Brahman.
This is the dance of life. It can be beautiful. It can scare you.
Go and dance right now to your favorite song.
Conflict
None of this would have been possible without conflict. Conflict creates art. It creates innovation. Think of any great mind that has influenced you.
Mozart. Leonardo. Pablo. Einstein. Freud. The Beatles. Bob Marley. Nirvana. Eminem. Kanye West. Those were(or still are), conflicted souls.
Their conflict led to amazing art. Their conflict led to destruction. Their conflict led to innovation. Sone of them become Laws. Some of them went on to become masterpieces.
From my conflict, I cautiously hope, that is this is my first attempt at creating art for the better. My art is expressing my need to help humanity with this article.
I want you to take a moment, and ask your self — Why are you conflicted? How do you plan on expressing it?
What is your purpose?
What is you masterpiece? Don’t read further until you take how ever long it takes.
Be in the present moment. Stop reading. And do this right away.
If you still don’t know yet, don’t worry. You will feel a void, and that void will create conflict, and you will know soon enough.
Be in the Now. Do it Now.
Why we need soul mates
The only way to not lose sight of the human self, is why we have masculine and feminine energies. And I don’t mean genders.
Male and Female are two end points on a spectrum. You can fall anywhere in between. It is not Binary.
Gay and straight are two end points on a spectrum. We all fall where ever our adolescent selves were influenced to fall.
I am the feminine in my relationship with my soul mate for now. I am the yin to her yang for now. It will change later on, and then back.
It could also be another loved one. Does not have to be a life partner. Could be a mother, a father, a sibling, a friend, a pet or an enemy. It has to be dual, opposite energies. And then there will be Balance.
My sister and mother are gravity, that is keeping me, the Sun, exactly where I need to be to create life. Close enough to shine my light, but not so close that I burn it all down.
There are infinite possibilities to where the Earth could have been from the Sun. It is exactly where it needs to be. The 3rd rock from the Sun. Move too close, and we become Venus. Hot and void of life.
Move far away, and we become Mars. Cold and void of life.
I am the river Ganga, while my partner is Shiva. Rooting me in place with his hair, so that I do not flow erratically and flood the world. While also providing water to all.
We cannot live life alone. While a few of them did it, and changed the fabric of the Universe, they left with immense pain. And never got to see the pure Joy that is life. They died for our sins, if you will.
We need Soul Mates.
Duality can exist in harmony, only when two souls align. These two souls need to repel and attract each other, to balance each other out. This dance of life, is the purpose of life. — KK
That is the only quote I put in this article. I know I did not read that anywhere consciously. Everything else is a collection of what my subconscious mind has absorbed in dreams, in movies, in books, in songs, in art and conversations.
This truth is realized. This is my clarity. That is my art, I can cautiously hope. This is my purpose.
I urge you again, to go find your why. Seek conflict if you do not know yet. Embrace that torrent when it comes.
Everything you need to know, is within you.
This will be your clarity. Find your purpose. Create your masterpiece.
The Future, or the Horizon.
I touched on the past, and the now. The future is a weird concept. I want to say it doesn’t exist, and it doesn’t to some extent. But that kind of thinking can be de-motiving for someone new to all this.
I have broken free from the shackles of time. I am no longer in a hurry. But other’s might not want that at this moment.
My idea of the future, is the Horizon. I look around and let the horizon guide me. I can get there and be completely lost. But that’s okay. Everywhere you look there is a new Horizon. Endless possibilities.
Gradual descent, or gradual ascent.
Time may or may not be an illusion, but be aware of your human limits. Do not let the spiritual infinity, cloud your human limits. And do not let your human boundaries, stop you from tapping into that spiritual infinity.
Dance between the Aatman and Brahman.
The Now, again.
I want to address the Now one more time. And I promise, I would have said everything I have to.
If there was a point to any of what I wrote, it is this last bit.
Go find your masterpiece, for sure. Work on your self.
But once you do that, and get it out of your system. Increase the scope of what the self means.
Reach out to those who you have hurt and miss. Reach out to people who are gifted. Reach out to people who are in pain. They are alone. They don’t need to be.
If you are not ready to do this for others, do it for yourself. Break that pain-body down.
Kill the ego. Before it kills you.
We are all Wanderers
As for me, I have come forward to the horizon I set out to reach. This was a the horizon I saw when I started writing this. I have taken a lot of steps forward in a really short span. I have increased the scope of what the self means.
Now I will go backwards. Icarus flew too close to the Sun. I will not. I am spent. I will decrease the scope of the self for now.
Enough apples for me, son.
I need to get to work in a few hours, and work on some fun, exciting stuff in design and data science. There are people who are depending on me to do the best job I can.
When I am back home, I will have a few drinks. Speak to my loved ones. Reach out to an old friend. Find some pointless youtube video to watch. Maybe write more. Maybe touch my self.
Definitely touch my self. Heh.
I feel invigorated, I want to change the world. But I am in no hurry. I have done this dance before, I will do this dance again.
I will go be Human for now.
Until the next time, Namaste. My soul honors your soul, we are one.
Thank you for reading.
PS: If this helped in anyway, do me a favor and share it with someone who is pain. Even if one purpose is realized. This my masterpiece. And when you share it and someone’s life changes for the better, it becomes your masterpiece. Email me at me at hello@namaste.ai if you want to collaborate on this.
