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LIFE LESSONS
My Journey of Self-Discovery Meant Breaking Free From Unwritten Expectations
I tossed academics out to embrace my true path
Some of you know I began a doctorate program. The first time was in 2019, and the second in 2021. And, as if I couldn’t get enough mental stress, I tried it again in 2023.
Why was I going back to the place that caused so much angst and stress? I thought earning a doctorate would make me happier. I thought it would make my family proud. I thought a lot of things that, in the end, just weren’t true.
The fact is, I know who I am—artist, writer, editor, and loving dog mama. Yet, throughout my life, I was first told to fit myself into other people’s shoes. Then, as an adult, I kept trying it on my own. Give me a hallelujah in the comments if that resonates with you.
It’s a long, arduous, and lonely road when you approach anything in your life trying to live up to other people’s standards and expectations. It also becomes a breeding ground for unnecessary stress, anxiety, and depression.
First, I thought I wanted to be just like my dad — the PhD scholar. I also thought I needed the doctorate because I’m a woman of color living in a country that seems to think that if you aren’t of a certain gender and skin color, you need to prove yourself worthy with letters before your name to be able to sit at someone else’s table, wearing similar clothes and shoes.
And yet, in the deepest part of my being, I already knew who I was.
So, why was I trying so hard? Perhaps my people-pleaser side was showing up, trying to burrow a hole through a cement wall. Perhaps my ego got in the way. Yes, let’s be honest. That does happen. Sometimes, all humility and grace for yourself gets tossed out the window with the trash.
Some of you also know that I struggle with health issues. I have weathered the adrenal/thyroid battle for so long. The adrenal glands process all the stress in the body — physical, emotional, mental, and environmental. Depression and overworked adrenal glands go hand-in-hand.
I’ve become such a ninja with my adrenal health, I know the symptoms as soon as they peek in the window…
